TOAR

It's Cold & I Rock!

2012-02-11T20:39:00.003-05:00

Hello People! I am participating in the Detroit Polar Plunge for the Special Olympics - Michigan! This is to raise money to help support year round sports training to athletes to prepare for competition. The coolest thing about the Detroit Polar Plunge is that you have to wear a dorky costume while you jump into below freezing water! This would be the first year that I participate in it and I was wondering if any of you guys would like to donate $1? If so, you can go to the website below and sponsor me! PLEASE? I'll upload pictures after I am done freezing my nip nips off! Also, If you have any suggestions on a costume I can ruin let me know!

Lynn is Jumping In Freezing Water for a Good Cause

-- Donate $1 HERE!

Its the freakin weekend!

2012-02-11T01:08:00.001-05:00

Do this shit right here and post results in comments! Tweet me if you want @BeauTAILful7! Look to the right! I added instagram to my side bar so you can see all my pics! Follow me on there too!

My blues name is "Pretty Bones Bradley" what's yours?

Yes, I Named My Car

2012-02-07T13:16:00.001-05:00

I don't know how many other people actually name their cars but I do! I think every car has a personality and that personality will tell you how it's going to treat you while you have it. My first car name was Ruby. She was a little sweet cute Red 1998 Ford Escort she went fast if she needed to and was the prefect first car. My first car was taken from me when my mom passed away. My aunt has her now.

-____-

My next car was The Big Blue Bitch. She was sassy and had the biggest attitude ever! 3B was a 1999 Midnight Blue Ford Explorer! She was not scared to move people off the road but the only thing that I didn't like about her was that she was a thirsty bitch! Always putting gas in her was horrible. She met her demise 5 years later (Summer 2011) the day of my birthday when this fucker flew into the side of her.

I currently drive a black 2008 Pontiac G6 GT Coupe. His name is Kent. He is my "before I get Married & Have Kids car." He got his name because every girl is a Barbie that needs a Ken, but I'm more adventurous than Barbie.. More like Lois Lane! So I need Kent because he is my Super Hero!

When I talk about Kent people look at me like I am crazy! Then when I explain who he is, they ask me why I named my car! In my opinion, you care about them more when cars are personified. They last longer & become your best friend! Kent is mine! I take him to the spa, the doctors office, the emergency room, out to dinner & on vacation! He has a wonderful life!

Have you ever named a car that you owned? Tell me what kind of car it was & the personality it had that went along with that name. Don't make me feel like a loser!

4 Words - I Wanna Eff You

2012-02-03T02:49:00.000-05:00

Not really. Okay, maybe if you have a huge cock. I am a whore that way lol. JUST KIDDING! In reality, it's the fucking weekend and I want to post something insignificant on here to get comments because those are what keep me motivated while writing! At least I am telling you the truth that I am a selfish bitch. Anyway, look at this picture. The first four words that you find describes you & where you are right now in your life.

What words did you see? TELL ME! The first 4 I seen were Lovely, Passionate, Dependent, & Insecure. Fuck this picture! I hate that it told the truth and it made me reflect on how I viewed myself. But I think what made it worse is after I found my four words, I started seeing other words... all the good & inspiring words. So then I thought "This picture is a fucking JOKE! Why couldn't I find the good words before 'dependent & insecure!'" I would go on to say why my brain went to dependent & insecure, but that is not a good "have a great weekend" post. Maybe next week I'll talk about that along with Coochie Farts =) PEACE!

Don't forget to tell me these 4 words or just saying "I wanna eff you" is fine with me too but I am NOT cool with gay experiences!

Once Again, I am a Chicken Shit!

2012-01-31T08:47:00.002-05:00

I have noticed that I continuously talk about getting my shit waxed but I am a total chicken shit when it comes to pain. I hate getting my eye brows waxed but getting them tweezed or threaded hurts more. I call myself picking the lessor evil. Anyway, my brain is on "Hurry the Fuck up Spring & Get Here" mode and all I can do is think about my semi-hairy vagina & the pale color of my skin.

My pubes are totally trimmed and pretty but I am tired of shaving. I've heard so many war stories (most of which I have made up on my own) about getting your vagina waxed. First I heard that it DOES indeed hurt like hell and I should trim it as low as I can prior to going. That way, long hairs don't get caught up in the mix. Then I heard that I should take like 4 Tylenol prior to going as well, to medicate before the pain comes.

Then I looked up the process of vagina waxing. Did you know that they make you spread eagle and bend over?! Just think about that... I am laying on my back, exposed. I am practicing downward facing dog, exposed... IN FRONT OF A STRANGER!!

*runs in circles and scream: stranger danger, stranger danger!!!*

So, am I really supposed to be okay with some random ass mofo looking into my vaginal canal? In my ASS HOLE!? That seems a bit embarrassing. What if I fart? I tend to do that when I bend over or do a sit up or.. just because I am a rude bitch. What if my vagina farts? OMG #ICANT!

Ladies, please tell me your experiences and talk me off this ledge because I will never go, even though I kind of want to. What harm is a little vagina fart in a stranger's face?

Why Can't I Have White Friends?

2012-01-28T23:33:00.001-05:00

All of my black friends do not want to hang out with me and do shit that I like to do because "that's what white people do!" I am so tired of hearing that everything that I participate in is for white people. Why can't the people I hang around expand their minds and understand that black people DO go swimming, they DO like to camp, they DO go sledding, they DO go to the Opera, they DO like to play volleyball, & they DO like to ice skate.

White people are not the only people who DO this stuff... and if they are, I am now taking applications for white friends & black friends ONLY NEED TO APPLY if they DO all of the above!

Serious Inquiries Only

*But TOAR, U R White, Y U NO Have White Friends?* Because, apparently, I am too black for them to understand & I say nigga too much and that is uncomfortable for them. GOSH why must I be on the fence? I am not white enough to hang with the white people & I am not black enough to hang with the black people. I need to find some Mexicans.

Who wants to swim across the border?

At least that way some kind of swimming is going on!

Is this Bitch Serious?

2012-01-16T20:45:00.000-05:00

So I was moseying around my reading list to catch up on some comments when I seen this on Lady Ngo's blog:

Lady Ngo did a wonderful post but there is somethings that I need to add. First, I hate when people start off racist comments with "Not to be racist but..."That is just like saying "Not to offend you but [insert something offensive here]" That is the most hypocritical thing that you can ever say!

Then to continue on with this rant about how white people have done so much. Yes, everyone at one point and time had to fight for what they wanted regardless of color, race, or ethnicity. HOWEVER there has only been ONE person who fought for ALL people not just blacks and that was Martin Luther King Jr. Also, since we are all just being ignorant I could easily say "White people have everything and all black people have is ONE day and ONE month that is the SHORTEST month in the year" but you know... I am not going to stoop to that level -____-

Lastly, the part that REALLY pisses me off is the whole MURDER part. If we take away the other things in the post that are completely out of line and controversial, MURDER should NEVER be celebrated. I don't care if it was a KKK member that got executed. How can one person feel so low about another human being to say that someone should have a holiday after assassinating someone.

THIS is what MLK stood against. THIS is why I try to be the best person that I can be & give back to the community. THIS is why I am an Activist. THIS cannot be tolerated. How do you feel? I'm Pissed OFF.

PS. The angry black person in me did go try to look for her page and got an ERROR message -___-

Two Thousand Twelve - TOAR Two Years Old :o)

2012-01-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to join my Email List!

Santa Got Drunk and Threw Up!

2011-12-28T16:25:00.001-05:00

SDFU, I know that it is Wednesday and I said an update would happen on Monday, but... yeah, I don't have an excuse except that at least I blogged while I was at Meijer, that counts for something right? The holidays are supposed to be spent with the people that you love the most. That doesn't always happen because you get that one family member that you wish that they would just stay the hell at home and forget that Christmas existed. Well, forget any holiday really. Here is some family drama for you -- its this girl that I have told to her face that I did not like her and to stop hugging me. But she continues to do so anyway. WHY?! I do not want to be corrigal with you. I do not like you. Just leave me alone. I am not going to pretend that I like you just because it is the holiday. That's fake and it aint me. So I cringe when she hugs me. I tried to get lost behind other family members to avoid it, but to no avail, I am hugged. EW! I'd like to go into detail about why I don't like her --- but that is for another time.

One thing that I cannot get over is the presents that you DON'T want to receive. Like Huggies Diapers when you have NO kids. What the Fuck?! Why would I want to get diapers when I have no kids?! No, it is not time for me to have kids. I am not ready. A few years ago, I got a vaccum cleaner -________- I made my god daughter and nephew a little fleece blanket with a pillow. That was nice. I think the best gift though was this little dog that my father - in - law got for my nephew. Guess what this little thing did.... IT MADE ARMPIT FARTS!! It had me dying laughing. My nephew is only one and this little dog says his ABCs with each arm fart. Plus there are like 5 different songs he sings -- ABCs, Old McDonald, BINGO and some other ones that I do not care enough to explain. The point is, I was on the floor DEAD from laughter because my nephew attempted to practice his armpit farts.

Lastly, on Christmas everone wants this "Winter Wonderland" -- Well Detroit got it. It was the worst kind of snow though, it was rain-snow. The kind that freeze as soon as it hits the ground. So once again I am being a stupid late Christmas Shopper at 12 midnight at WalMart (I am telling the truth, It only happened this one time, usually I get my christmas shopping done 2 weeks prior). We are having fun shopping and when we get back outside (3am at this point) the whole parking lot looks like it is covered with ICE! As we are driving home, there are accidents all over the freeway stuck in ditches, hit the median of the freeway. This is not a joke, I seen 5 accidents happen before my eyes all of them flipped over on the side of the road.

Here is the kicker, we are driving in the middle of the free way very prone to get hit by one of these jerkoffs! Anyway, the kicker.... I called 911, I explained what happened and they transferred me to the Michigan State Police Department because they are the ones who patrol the highways. First I am on hold for at least 5 mins, then a lady dispatcher answers the phone and I proceed to tell her what I seen, what happened and this dumb broad replied "Like, they are just stuck in a ditch right, not flipped over, like on the hoods of their cars?" BITCH DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU THAT IT WAS 5 CARS FLIPPED THE FUCK OVER ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?! What part of FLIPPED THE FUCK OVER don't you understand? None of that? What about the part where I explained that NO ONE IS MOVING? Send the fucking cops and some ambluances please!

Stupid ass Dispatcher. They should at least make sure they got their GED before hiring them to handle emergent situations. Anyway, What did you get for Christmas? Don't Celebrate that shit? What did you do instead? Do you have a person in your family that you just REFUSE to tolerate? TELL ME!

PS. Remember that TOAR's 2 Year Bloggiversary is in 4 days!

Happy Holidays From TOAR

2011-12-24T16:37:00.002-05:00

Ok seriously I am in the parking lot of Meijer writing this blog post. That is how dedicated to you I am! Don't believe me?

Why am I at Meijer? Because I am stupid! Just to let you know I hate late Christmas shopping! This is the ONLY and LAST time this will ever happen to me!! Anyway, I just hope you enjoy your holiday and sometime on Monday I will update you on my crazy ass holiday weekend! It involves arm farting, accidents and random things people say to get what they want.

Love you guys!
Happy Holidays From TOAR,
Lynn

Office Madness

2011-12-22T16:36:00.000-05:00

When it gets close to the end of the year, everyone in the office decides to lose their mind. I don't know if it is because they are going stir crazy because of deadlines or if it is all the candy they got for the holidays but it is hilarious! One of my co-workers jumped up on his desk and started singing "twinkle twinkle little star!" Now, let me remind you that I work at one of the bigger banks in Michigan. It is really considered a small bank in the entire nation because the bank is only popular in 4 states. Ok that is besides the point, just know that is very conservative when it comes to behavior and policy; very stereotypical-corporate-like environment. So I just burst out laughing because, well... I am TOAR and I am rude as hell *Hi, TOAR*. This laugh was no ordinary laugh it; was totally OUT there & loud.

I think what made me crack up about it was that this dude was STANDING on the desk and he is normally walking with a cane. I told him "that is why you got the cane in the first place crazy man!" So then he falls down -- yes off the fucking desk LAUGHING THE WHOLE TIME. I was shocked and a little bit nervous because he is an older guy, what if he broke his hip or something? So he manages to get up and sit back down like a normal person for just a few minutes....

The next thing I know, I see little ass Christmas ornaments the size of those gum balls you get out of the quarter machines flying across the office! I was so DEAD! Dude's cube is across from mine but there is a wall that separates us. My mentor's cube is directly next to mine with a smaller wall that separates us. He is throwing this ornaments at my mentor (diagonally across from him). She starts screaming "Why the hell are there Ornaments Falling out the sky?" I am laughing so hard because she doesn't have a clue where they are coming from and they keep hitting her in the head.

Then he jumps up again, on his chair and started laughing in her face.

I am so DEAD... on the floor, laughing hysterically.

Has there ever been a time where you died from laughter because of something during the holidays?

"Let's Just Be" In My Pants 2011

2011-12-21T12:27:00.001-05:00

I was bored at work so I did this! I hope you guys do it so I can laugh. My favorite is "No Scrubs in my Pants" & "Best I Ever Had In My Pants"

RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Write "in my pants" after the song title

4. Tag your Blogger Friends =)

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

"Froze" in my pants - Chris Brown

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

"No Scrubs" in my pants - TLC

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL/BOY?

"In the Middle" of my pants - Trey Songs

[ UGH! Gay Experience #7 ]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

"Ransom" in my pants - Drake

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

"I Belong to You" in my pants - Muse

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

"Hot Tottie" in my pants - Usher

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"4am" in my pants - Melanie Fiona

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"You & I" in my pants- Lady Gaga

[ -_______- ]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

"Go Shorty Go" in my pants- Travis Porter

[ OMG! I am so Homosexual, unintentionally -____- ]

WHAT IS 2 + 2?

"Novacane" in my pants- Frank Ocean

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"Little Freak" in my pants - Usher

[ LMAO, I am done! ]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

"Like You'll Never See Me Again" in my pants - Alicia Keys

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

"Poker Face" in my pants - Lady Gaga

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Empire State of Mind" in my pants - Jay Z

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"Sex is On My Mind" in my pants - Blulight

[ Really? In Front of the Parents? ]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"Can't Help But Wait" in my pants - Trey Songz

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"Addicted" in my pants - Simple Plan

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

"I Should Have Cheated" in my pants - Keyshia Cole

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"Take a Bow" in my pants - Rihanna

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

"Sex in the Kitchen" in my pants - R. Kelly

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"Best I Ever Had" in my pants - Drake

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

"Let's Just Be" in my pants - Neyo

WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK OF YOUR BLOG?

"Jupiter Love" in my pants - Trey Songz

BLOGGER FRIENDS TAGGED?

Thank Q

Idahomie

Jill

Alice X

J Ashley

The Reckmonster

Lady E

LogAllot

Nesheaholic

Oldies But Goodies!

2011-12-20T01:52:00.000-05:00

What is a better way to start celebrating 2 full years of TOAR than creating a link of all my personal favorite blog posts? Some of them are funny, controversial, & down right dirty! I wanted to re-post them because I felt like they didn't get the love that they deserve. Listed below are 10 of my ALL TIME FAVORITES but if that isn't enough, click the FAVORITES tab on the menu to view them all!

Tales of a Chubby Chaser

2011-12-14T13:13:00.001-05:00

No slores, it is not me. I am the chubby that is being chased! OMG! I went to a party SEVERAL weeks ago and this guy was just following me around the party. I literally had to hide from him! So this is how it started:

I get there and he is already buzzing off whatever "community" alcohol was available. He introduces his self and then moves along! Great! Then he comes back to me and says something along the lines of "you need to save a dance for me tonight." Ok so I am fine with this, whatever a guy wants to dance with me. So What? No Harm, No Foul Right?

WRONG!

So I ask him if he is Greek (basically if he belonged to any fraternity) and his reply was "I don't know what I am, I just want to belong to you" Ok, weird. So then walk away noting that he is a fucking weirdo and I don't want to deal with that shit. The party continues as normal and as I was strolling, dude grabbed my hand. So after that I was just through I tried to hide in corners and some how he found me. Like pointed me out among my friends and sorority sisters and said "Bring your sexy ass here! God you are so Bad! The things I want to do to you!" I finally gave up and told him that my fiance was there. I probably should have done that in the first place but my fiance will smack a bitch down just because but I didn't want to start any shit! You think that stopped him?

HELL EFFING NO!

There was nothing I could do! I just stayed on my fiance's lap for the rest of the night unless I was strolling lol. I know you are probably wondering, how in the hell do I know he was a chubby chaser. Well, this other girl who was way larger than me.. I mean WAYYY because I am not THAT large, was trying to dance on him all freaky stripper like. I swear he loved getting swallowed by those booty cheeks, or thigh, or... ew.

*Strolling = Black Greek Party Hop that is done in a line and represents the sorority or fraternity, unofficially.

Has anyone deliberately chased you before regardless of the consequences?

Eff YOU & YOUR Fetishes!!

2011-11-23T13:44:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to share one of my favorite guest posts that I created for Q a few months back.. Enjoy =)

_____________________________________

Aye, what the fuck ‘chu looking at? Oh yeah, I forgot. I am here because Q wanted to take a Lazy Week. At least he has the brains to recruit guest bloggers to keep making him money while he is gone; unlike me. I swear I better get a cut or it’s gonna be a fucking problem. Anyway - - I am TOAR from Thoughts of a Randomista.

I seriously don’t think that I need an introduction but I noticed that Q gained a few new followers; so to all the people who know me - - What up? To the followers who have yet to endure the weird ass ride of TOAR - - Welcome to my world of “Random Writing Chaos!” I drop ‘F’ bombs and say Bitch regularly. I have been featured on Q’s “Talk 2 Q” radio show & anything else he can conjure up in his mind for bloggers-like-me-to-participate-in-just-because-I-am-too-nice-to-say-no – just kidding about the nice part. You can say that Q and I never see eye to eye but we love each other none the less. I won’t be surprised if he edits this post. *pretty girl shrug* If this is not enough about me, read this post, visit my blog linked above, or follow me on twitter @BeauTAILful7.

Now that I am done being ~~pleasant~~ rude as fuck –here is more; what is up with these fetishes? People get turned on by the weirdest shit. I am not talking about ~~normal~~ common fetishes like feet or strippers. Don’t get me wrong with some of the things that makes me ~~horny~~ wet (yeah, I like that word better) can come off a little suspect but in no way shape or form will I dress up like a fucking infant and suck on “mommy’s milk.”

Yeah I said it! Why do GROWN ass men think they can dress up in a diaper and suck on my titties while I am still lactating? There are so many points I have to make right now.

A) YOU are a grown ass man, not a baby. Just because women have the stereotypical role as your caregiver does not mean that I am going to resort to being your ass wiper! You cannot dress up like a baby one minute when you want some ass then turn around and want me to treat you like a “REAL MAN” ----FUCK that you pansy!

B) If I am still lactating, doesn’t that mean that there is a baby somewhere nearby? I heard (because I do not have kids), that breast feeding hurts like a motherfucker with a baby that is all gums. So I have to sit here and let you KNAW on my pretty ass titties with your GROWN-MAN ASS TEETH?! Hell-TO-THE-FUCK-no. My titties might already go from this ( ∙ ) ( ∙ ) to this (_)(_) without your help. *SHE AIN’T GOT NO NIPPLLLLEESS* in my Kevin Hart Voice.

C) Lastly, why you gotta wear a diaper though? You getting old already which means eventually you can enjoy your diaper wearing fetish at a later age. I mean sure, wanting to taste the milk - - I can go that far but the outfit too? COME ON!

#ICANT

There are so many more that I can talk about – but I think I will wait for my next guest post. But before I go, let me tell you some of my fetishes – nothing as extravagant as tit knaw-ing.

I love Bow Ties. OMG! Take off all your clothes and rub your bow tie on my cooter… please! Oh Yes! Right there.. uhmm.. – Oh my bad I’ll move on now.

I like NICELY maintained dreads with gold in the mouth. I think that is because I am from Detroit and people don’t do that shit here. It’s Trifling.

That is about it I think. If I think of something else I’ll let you know but in the meantime, tell me your fetishes! What do you like or love? What have you heard that is just ratchet and make you say “Hell-to-the-FUCK-no”? Don’t Be Shy =)

Let Mommy's Nips Go..

2011-11-16T11:12:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer: The people that are described below are very important to me and I love them. Don't take this personally, but there is truth in my words. If I offended you, I do apologize for the offense, not what I have written here.

Last night, #aFEWomf and I had a discussion about Mothers, Wives, and Marriage. It all started when this was tweeted:

"#guycode Mom is the #1 woman* in you life. For now, & forever"

Basically, I was one of the people who disagreed with this tweet. Not so much the "for now" part -- but the forever. When a man and a woman decide to and join in marriage to walk with god, everyone else is placed on the back burner. You spouse is now your family. Your everything. God>Spouse>Family>Friends>Associates. Oomf didn't seem to like this opinion because he said that the only woman who will be #1 is his mother because she is the only one he can trust.. so the rest of the conversation went a little like this (you can go view them on twitter @beauTAILful7, just keep scrolling):

TOAR is PINK

Oomf is GREEN

Another Follower is Blue

Who you gonna trust if mommy dies? #deadmommytweet

Nobody

You'll Never get married then..

*Scripture Provided by another follower*

I can cleave to my wife, but it doesn't mean I trust her

You don't marry if you can't trust

I was just agreeing to the #guycode

I was just saying she shouldn't after marriage, that's #MANcode

Booyah!

You can only trust the people who have unconditional love for you!!! People have love conditions, that's why you can't trust anybody...

If the WOMAN you are considering to marry has LOVE CONDITIONS with you, then maybe she isn't the one for you..

cleave/klēv/

to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly; faithful

Only way to be faithful, is to trust. In my opinion, every rebuttal given just implied that there are some serious mommy's boy issues that needs to be addressed and will never trust a woman regardless if they are married or not. He will always look to his mother. What about that woman who will stand by your side... under any circumstance?

Maybe that is a little harsh to say but when you don't understand how marriage can change the relationships you have with other people that may be a problem. I am not saying that he shouldn't trust his mom after he gets married, but he should also be able to confide in his wife, trust his wife because in reality, she is the one that will be there for you and know all your secrets.

He also was saying that you can't trust females because they are all ratchet backstabbing little whores (this is true lol) but when we start talking about marriage and candidates for wives, you should have some kind of standard set to ensure that you can trust her and she is the woman for you. This is going to sound mean as hell too but this just makes me realize what is wrong with my generation and why the divorce rate is so damn high. People forgot the fundamentals.

Then one of my best friends said "When I marry, it's saying that I'm taking the lifelong RISK to commit myself to you and trusting you as my covering and my husband." Maybe I read this wrong but did she say RISK? That sounds so depressing. I am risking my life to love you and trust you forever. Um, no. It is not a RISK, it is a commitment. One that shouldn't be looked at as a Risk because you have someone on the other side, waiting.... RISKING the same thing as you in that case--your future husband. If you are sure, what is the risk? Don't get married if there is a fucking RISK! Yes, nothing is guaranteed but to me it just sounds like a bunch of scared-y cats... *says the girl who has been engaged for 3 years lol* You get married because you are sure.. Risk sounds like too much DOUBT and where there is DOUBT, there is DIVORCE.

Maybe because I am old-fashioned I just can't believe that a MAN that is now a HUSBAND, will not trust his wife the same as, if not more than his mother. I know personally, I trust my fiance with my life. I can't say the same for my dad.

What do you think? Is mom #1 after marriage? Can a marriage be successful with no trust? What do vows mean if you are just going to run to mommy's nips anyway? Why is marriage a risk? Am I just crazy because I am a part of the "Dead Parents Club" and that makes it easier to trust my fiance? *shrugs* Help a girl out!

PS. It's Fucking Twilight Week and I am going to see Edward tonight, tomorrow and friday! =) Oh, YEAH! I'll update tomorrow with spoilers and excitement!

Pocket Rocket

2011-11-08T11:22:00.001-05:00

Ohhh, yeah -- Right there, right there! Oh, Don't Stop, Please please! Don't Stop! Oh GOD YES!!

*Double Rainbow*

Use your iPhone (or any phone for that matter) as a Vibrator =)

That is how you use a regular item in an unconventional way!

But I do pose a question for you, when you masturbate -

do you moan loud or are you quiet as a mouse?

Do you light candles?

Can you guess what I do?

Be elaborate, just in case..

Happy Tuesday!

I am Fuckable...

2011-11-06T20:53:00.000-05:00

I currently have two #BILF awards from @Thank_Q & @Ida_homie !http://shar.es/b9Yuq @ http://shar.es/b96tN. I don't know whether to be offended or pleased. Because both of these darlings have Girlfriends/Wives, I probably will never get an answer. Like Why do you think so? Well I guess I know why... Look at these boobs:

I would say that this is totally creepy but It is the net, who the fuck cares? But now, I have to "bang-it-forward" and that can be really creepy because A) the only guys that I know are Q and Brandon B) Everyone else is female & C) I am not having anymore gay experiences.

So, as much as I love my female followers, I cannot pass it on. If I had a huge penis to fuck you with you all would get it. =)

Finger Wedgie

2011-10-28T11:25:00.001-04:00

It is FRIDAY BITCHES! You know what that means right? I get to finally go home and relax to melt away the week's worries. All this week, I have been in pain. Something has repeatedly stabbed me in the fucking stomach over and over and OVER! It hurts so bad. But I have a release -- It starts with a W and ends with a D!

That is what my whole weekend is going to consist of. Before I graduated, I refused to even try the sticky stuff. I felt like it is a gateway drug to do crack or X. But in reality, I was just a fucking pansy.

I actually enjoy it! I noticed that everything is funnier and I think of epic shit all the time however, sometimes I suffer from short term memory loss. For example, I feel like when it is cold outside, you get some hot chocolate and you put on gloves. Then you use your hands to pull out a wedgie. From that point, some how I came up with "Finger Wedgie"

Gloves give you finger wedgies all the time! Just think about it! The space in between your fingers, are now confromed to your gloves. I think that is epic! When I realize what the fuck I just said, I'll laugh for 10 mins then try to remember what I was laughing about.

I literally sit there and wreck my brain to think of it. Then when I do, I laugh at that too. When I am high, I can remember anything.

I wouldn't mind having a Finger Wedgie with these!

Chocolate Paradise

2011-10-26T14:19:00.001-04:00

I am not a big junk food eater. I might eat a bag of chips once a week, if that. Unless I am extremely hungry I might eat two. But the minute I feel a knife stabbing me repeatedly through my stomach, all I crave is hot chips, chocolate, and pepsi. People ask me all the time what my favorite candy is. I don't like candy-- I love CHOCOLATE! What is my favorite piece of chocolate? I do not know. I swear if it was possible without consequence, I'd eat chocolate every day, all day during my crazy stomach stabbing sessions.

When these stabbing sessions started, I craved a king sized snickers bar along with my hot chips and pop. Then I moved on to a Mr. Goodbar because that had nuts in it. Then I lilked just a regular hershey bar with almonds. Then Reeses cups. Now it is more like Kit-Kats. They satisfy my craving just fine. However, none of these are my favorite. Once a I get tired of one candy bar I move on to the next. I haven't had a Snickers in over 7 years. I used to love those things.

My all time favorite chocolate treat is Ferrero Rocher. It has everything I love in one little bite! It has nuts and wafers along with a creamy chocolate inside. I swear if they didn't cost $1.50 for 3 little pieces, I'd eat them ALL! I love getting stabbed in the stomach just so I can eat a whole pack of these by myself. This box of candy is the kind that I will not share. No bitch you may not have a piece. I don't give a fuck how much you pout, bitch I said no. Yeah, that is how much I love these.

Have you ever had these? What do you do when you crave chocolate? What is your favorite chocolate so I can try it?

--Sent from my iPhone 4S

Did You Guys Know...

2011-10-21T13:58:00.001-04:00

That I am a Vegatarian? Well, that's is what I am trying to do. I have been trying since the end of September. So what is that? Like 3 and half weeks? The first week, I went cold turkey! No meat at all. It was ok until I started craving different things. And since I am not normal, I didn't craving things like hamburger, pork, or beef. I wanted chicken & crab legs. Not any kind of chicken but Fried Chicken with so much hot sauce my ass will burn! I can understand the fried chicken because that is my favorite thing to eat regardless. But Crab Legs? I have only had those twice in my life and I am allergic. WDF is wrong with me? I wanted this fried chicken so much I created a "pass day" & made FRIED CHICKEN SATURDAYS! I really tried to go cold turkey but I just needed chicken and hot sauce in my life! So I started eating just chicken on saturdays.

Now though, I think this week I have eaten meat every day. I feel disappointed in myself but at least I am full. I am going to continue to try to be a vegatarian but now I am going to stop saying that I am. I am going to say I am a "modified vegatarian" because I will still just have chicken saturdays... Eventually though, I will not eat meat at all -- this is just like a dry run to see how long I can go. So for now, it was 3 weeks. I am going to start over on sunday. Wish me luck!

Just an interesting thing that happened after eating all that meat, I had to shit the biggest shit ever and it literally flew out of my ass. I love sharing that with you. Peace!!

In Public Restrooms...

2011-10-14T15:20:00.001-04:00

I do not use seat covers, I squat and wish for the best. I seriously do not understand the point in killing more trees by pissing on them. It is bad enough the sky pisses on them whenever it feels like it. Then, when you are finished using them, they stick to your ass and you end up touching them some how anyway -- defeating the purpose of using them. You're gonna touch the germs anyway right?

I will fart as loud as I can just to get it out of my system and that way I am not walking around my offices with a tight butt cheeks. I mean, I have a wide ass already, why show everyone my possible dimples too? Or the worse is just farting as I walk.. *Poot* *Poot* *Poot* #icant

I will brush my teeth. I cannot stand for food to stay in between my teeth. This used to irritate me to no end when I seen people brush their teeth.. But I talk to too many clients and I have a weird obsession with spicy garlic.

I talk to people while they used the bathroom. Who says it has to be quiet?

And lastly, you guys know I love to toilet tweet. That is my favorite pass time. Just tweet away or play pocket god while dropping my kids off at the pool =)

What do you do in public bathrooms?

T.O.A.R.

Thoughts of a Randomista

thoughtsofarandomista@gmail.com

Est. 2010

Because I have an iPhone

2011-10-12T14:04:00.001-04:00

I am a GOD. Lovelies! I know you guys know how much I love my iPhone 4 right? Well I have found the next best game to challenge angry birds, it's pretty raunchy too. It is called Pocket God!

This game has me cracking the hell up at work or anywhere really. I just turn my phone on and make these little island people do what ever I want them to. You can do this two ways; A. just play until you figure it out for yourself (this is what I did) or B. Actually figure out and activate the challenges (which is fun too). These island people -- pygmys (pig-mee-s) -- talk and fart. You can make them die a thousand deaths then bring them back to life. You can burn them, make them dance, & slap them with sharks! They even have a "Charlie Sheen" pygmy that repeats "I got tiger blood"

I suggest that you get this app if you can. If you already have it, tell me your favorite part, and leave me some love because I miss you guys and I am going to be posting more often!

The WRATH of Toddlers

2011-10-10T16:24:00.005-04:00

I secretly think that my god daughter (GD) is a monster. She freaks me out every time I go out with her. She is only 4 but she is so smart I can't help but laugh when she says something "out of her age bracket." For example, yesterday Kent and I (My New G6 -- yes I named my car) went to the spa were he got a massage and deep cleansing facial. Since I haven't seen my GD in about a week, we went to dinner at this cozy diner. After dinner, she decides to take home a pack of chili crackers by stuffing them in her pocket. She gets into Kent, and tears the pack open and cracker crumbs go flying every where! She then goes on to say, "Uht Oh! I got crackers all over Ti-Ti's car!" So I'm like wdf?! There was cracker dust all in the back seat -- LITERALLY!

So yeah, I was upset, not because she spilled the crackers but because I just paid for Kent to have a spa day. I then tell her:

"I guess we have to clean this mess up!"

"Ti-Ti, you have to clean this mess up! I can't believe how dirty the car is"

"Jordin, you just opened the crackers and made the mess; We are going to go to the car wash, and suck up the crackers."

"I am not eating those! That's nasty!"

"With the vacuum silly head"

"You are a silly head Ti-Ti"

"Ok Jordin, I am going to give you a dollar and you are going to vacuum this up"

This conversation continues for about another 15 mins while I am laughing at her and driving to the car wash. I guess Bill Cosby got one thing right, kids say the craziest things! We get to the car wash and we clean Kent up then she asks -- "Where is my dollar?" I told her we spent it on the vacuum cleaner. Just imagine how that coasted over. -______-

Share your favorite story of your toddler. Do you name your car?

TOAR Guest Posts on Thank Q

2011-09-29T16:06:00.001-04:00

Hey all! I haven't forgot about you, I just decided to write on someone else's blog! Idk what's wrong with me. Anyway, on Q's blog (Thank Q For Common Sense) I talk about nasty sex fetishes and some of my own. Just know it's about infants, nipples, and bow ties! Click here to read more: http://alturl.com/ypbqe

Remember to follow me on Twitter @beautailful7!

-- Sent from my iPhone 4

Blogger Award =)

2011-09-06T06:00:00.000-04:00

YAY! I am very grateful for blogger awards -- even if I don't blog alot! I received this from MadFeisty! Go check her out!

You PICK: Homo or Hoodrat

2011-09-04T22:24:00.000-04:00

If you had to pick one.... which would you choose?

I pick a Homo... I think I would rather deal with adversity than be labeled as a rat. I absolutely REFUSE being a hoodrat. They are just toooo trifling. Granted, as a hoodrat I will still be able have the get down with my favorite muscle on a man however, I do not think I can give up my class and elegance. Besides, gay people are THE classiest people I know. Always dressed appropriately and fly. Many of them dress better than me!

I have a serious dislike for hoodrats. They are always out here trying to get chose demanding attention. I guess since I have my man, I aint really out here like that looking for the next guy with money that will take care of me for a little piece of change.

Tell me what you would do and why.

Numbers Play Tricks On Me

2011-08-22T11:15:00.001-04:00

We have to remember numbers for everything! If you took the time out to actually think about which numbers you have to remember throughout your entire life, you'd be ready to shoot yourself in the head. I hate that most of our society is computer generated. I do not mean technologically advanced - I mean EVERYTHING that identifies you as a person is via number. To the government, we are a social security number. To our school, a Student ID.To our friends, a phone number. There is always a number that is related to you and your everyday life.

Why can't I just be Lynn? or Lynnorra if that makes you feel better. I am NOT an EFFING number.

We have numbers! SSN, State ID, School ID, Employee ID, Car License Plate, Address, Phone, Insurance Policy.

I am not defined by these numbers. What is on my transcript and driving record does not tell the world who I am as a person. These numbers do not hold the feelings I have for mankind. These numbers do not show the compassion I have to help the community. These numbers do not tell my Twitter Followers how raunchy I am with my Toilet Tweets.

If people care about you, to them, you are more than a number. You are a person, a parent, a sibling or a friend. How am I supposed to go through my entire life, remembering these numbers? I mean shit, yeah I am an accountant but who wants to remember? It is a double standard I say. We cannot have a piece of paper in our wallets with all our numbers on it because someone can steal my IDENTITY and jack up my already bad credit. But at the Secretary of State, they want all yourpersonal/confidential numbers in one spot to "verify" you are who you say you are.

Why do I have to know these LONG ASS NUMBERS by heart? Here is my business card - eff learning that phone number. Logically, I know why numbers are used. However, TOARis illogical and I don't give a shit about these numbers. They play tricks on me.

Cool Ass Tweet - Her Award

2011-08-10T10:28:00.000-04:00

So Mr. Q gave me this Fuck AWESOME Award for being an elite Tweeter! YAY! So before I start my pass it on process, I just wanted to talk about how I got addicted to Twitter and some reasons why you should get a Twitter - if you haven't started one. I opened up my account in April of 2009 - right when the new social network emerged from out of no where (in my opinion), and just starting following everyone from the "suggested" box. DO NOT DO THAT! I was so lost in the sauce I stopped tweeting all together. I actually became a twitter hater because I just didn't understand it! Then I started to notice a lot of my blogger friends tweeting me and such...... I think it is best to follow the people that you know and actually have communications with on a regular basis because if not, then you would be like me - - - lost in the sauce!

Lets move on.... The winners of the ELITE TWEET award are *drum roll please*

Eh, that's all I got besides the people that Q already mentioned! Follow them and Enjoy =)

Girl Gimme Your Booty - Booty Shots #EPICFAIL

2011-08-08T19:00:00.002-04:00

#iCANT with this video right now. I know I have been neglecting you guys for a very long time. Almost a month now. So in appreciation for how much I miss you guys, and to show you that I am still here, I've posted this incredibly stupid booty popping video for you to watch. You know, just to get my creative blogger juices flowing again! How do you like my new layout? Tell me what you think of this video... Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I seriously hope that this video is not a serious debut as an artist but used as a promotion for "The Game" - BET's most popular sitcom. It gotta be.. Please?

Death Weirdo...

2011-08-01T17:19:00.001-04:00

I laugh at death every chance that I get. I have a dark sense of humor. I make nasty death jokes and usually it leaves people looking at me like "WDF is wrong with her?" It is just a part of me. What else am I supposed to do? Cry? Fuck that, I am tried of crying about something that is a natural part of life.

I was tweeting the other day and one of my followers said that I was weird because I said that after my mother died, I slept in her room. Yes, she died in her room. So? I mean, yeah I guess it was kind of weird but I don't care. It isn't like she is haunting me and if she is I am not scared of her.

I think that is the way that I handle death. I love to make fun of it. Especially when dumb people do dumb

Stripper Talk With Q

2011-07-11T00:29:00.000-04:00

So, per usual Q (@Talk2Q), always gotta get me! We talked about splurging ass parents, my trip to the titty bar and relationships. Q said that I get a sound bite!! YAY! ... what ever that is!

SO PUSH THE DAMN (play) BUTTON *in my Chris Tucker Voice*

Listen to internet radio with ThankQ on Blog Talk Radio

If you missed my 1st appearance on TALK TO Q, you can push this damn button too! I talk about Air Drying my Kitty Cat lol!

Listen to internet radio with ThankQ on Blog Talk Radio

TOAR TALKS TO Q.. Again!

2011-07-10T21:05:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! Tonight is the night! TOAR (Me) will be featured on Thank Q for Common Sense Talk Show - Talk2Q. I hope you guys can tune in! www.Talk2Q.com - 11 PM ET - (323)784-3650 Here is the poster that wouldn't show up on the last post!

Black People & Casey Anthony

2011-07-08T11:50:00.001-04:00

I don't know how it is in other parts of the world but let me tell you this; in Detroit, NOBODY knew about this case until recently; when the verdict came out that she was not guilty. I will not sit here and explain my thoughts on the verdict (even though she is a fucking baby killer) because who the hell cares? People have abortions, is that not the same thing? Murder is Murder is Murder. Just because she did not get smacked with the justice paddle in this life time, she may be made to eat fire in the next... Who knows, maybe her baby tied herself up on some S&M type stuff... that's considered reaching for evidence right? - _____ -

Dammit, I said I wasn't going to talk about it. Anyway, before my brain wanted to play tricks on me, I had something important to say. Black People, don't act like you are all up on your current events when something like this happens. You were not following some little white lady throughout her 3 year sentence just ansty with excitement for the verdict to be called just days ago. Media always gets you guys. Then, you want to post statuses and tweets like "how dare she get aquitted" "that bitch is like OJ" (that is wrong because this bitch is B-R-O-K-E). I seriously hate when people act like they are in the "know" when they aint "know" SHIT until the information was HAND FED by the fucking news reporters. Do some damn research, get your own fucking brain and make your own conclusive opinons. Stop listening to what the "Man/Woman" tells you on the TV. lol that was racist. It was funny. BLAHAHA. Whatever.

Like, how are you all of a sudden interested in politics and you don't know the 3 parts of the judical system. NOW you care about a little kid drowning and your own kids don't know how to swim. My point is, a child lost their life too soon, which is terribly sad. But your kids may lose their's too because you aint teaching them shit but how to have smart ass mouths and dance like a stripper at the age of three.

I love my black side, but as a people - we must do better.

NEXT, I just want to let you guys know that I will be on THANK Q's radio show again this Sunday, July 10th at 11pm EST. What we are going to talk about, IDK. I hope we don't talk about this shit. I can't stand anymore.

Disclaimer- things expressed in this post are for entertainment only... don't like it EFF THE HELL OFF. Good Day!

Happy 4th of July!

2011-07-04T15:32:00.000-04:00

I love you guys! Have fun and be safe!

Toilet Tweeting

2011-06-22T16:07:00.001-04:00

Since I have started working, I find myself in the bathroom at work regularly. It is so fascanating. I can go in there to get away from my desk, take a nap in the stalls, or let a couple pounds go. But my favorite is Toilet Tweeting. I don't know what it is about being in the bathroom and tweeting, but I enjoy it. I don't have to be physically using the bathroom (most of the time I am though, because I have to stay regular =), but I will sit in there for 20 mins just tweeting. But I think the kicker part is, I have to announce it to the world that I am on the toilet, tweeting or texting or whatever it is that I am doing.

Many of my followers on tweet-her call me "Unlady Like" (via @ms_akins) and a "Nasty Heffa" (via @leaynaD). But I just can't help it. Do you know the kind of conversations that go on in a bathroom? Do you know that I am not the only one who feels compelled to tweet or text on the toilet?

My thing is, what the fuck else are you going to do? It is so boring in there. I promise that I come up with the best tweets and blog ideas in there.This one lady was in one of the stalls next to me, doing the same thing I was doing - Tweeting/Texting on the toilet. I am telling you, it is the best thing ever! I just don't like all of the extra shit (literally) that comes along with it. For example, during rush hour (at lunch), bitches be in there farting hard as hell. Like geez, there is some fucking spray. And I don't like when you can here the turds falling. That is pretty disgusting. Then noticing when people are shiting, and not doing a courtesy flush AND not wash their hands. #icant.

I do not have a problem with shitting in pulic bathrooms, unless it is completely disgusting; then I'd just wait until I go home. I really hate having to rush too. I gotta do my THANG. I gotta sit down, fart, piss, shit, flush toilet, sit, tweet, repeat. If you say that fast, it is almost a song.

Don't judge me. My Toilet Tweeting is EPIC and I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT! I can't shut up about it, I have tried.. it just comes out! Every time I do a toilet tweet - it will say #toilettweet. I hope you guys join in! I think it would be the best thing ever if we can make it a Trending Topic. Does your best ideas come from being on the toilet?

Relationships on the Rocks .03: Know When It Is Over

2011-06-21T11:40:00.001-04:00

This is the last installment of Relationships on the Rocks entitled: Know When It Is Over.

How long will you realize that the relationship is not for you? I mean I have been in a relationship for 4 years and there are times that I am either going to break my expensive shit, choke the shit out of him, or shoot myself in the effing head. Yes. It gets that bad. But the difference between my relationship and so many others is that once both parties involved give up on each other, there is no turning back. Eric and I never give up.

You lose respect for one another and you are so wrapped up in your own shit that you don't recognize that your relationship has taken an ugly turn. When you give up on the love you once had and start saying "I" and "Me"; your relationship is about to crash and burn. I've noticed that selfishness has been the key to many arguments and relationship desasters. Inconsideration is another factor. Everything is about me me me me me, for get about you you you you you, so what you gonna do do do do do do. Yes, I had to sing that song. When you forget about the other half, often times there is some kind of argument to follow. "Oh, you can go get you something to eat but you can't get me anything to eat"

I hate seeing women who are still in a worthless relationship because they are too insecure to gain a backbone and leave. If you both are treating each other like shit, then you both deserve to be alone. No one is going to deal with being treated like the worse thing ever in life just because. If the very sight of them makes you angry or what they have to say urks the fuck out of you, that is not th relationship for you.

No one wants you to be in a miserable relationship. If you can't trust and respect each other, there is no room for you to grow as a couple; just individually. I know this is a fairly short post but I just want to say that there are TOO many people (men and women) who stay in relationships because they are scared to be alone. I am not one to judge but, at some point you have to find yourself worth. You have to be able to see your self worth and imagine your future. If you and your mate do not have the same goals and aspirations, that is a problem. If you cannot hold a decent conversation with each other [this does not include talk about music, movies, or any other mundane form of communication] why are you still there.

If the sex is wack - ew. enough said. Get it together people!

-The End.

Relationships on the Rocks: Author's Note

2011-06-20T09:29:00.001-04:00

A follower of mine (Thank Q) brought something to my attention that needs to be clarified. This Series is NOT about my PERSONAL relationship. I've said it once and I'll say it again, I do not like to blog about MY relationship because I am a bitch when it comes to people telling me what to do, their thoughts on how I should handle sticky situations, and judgements. I don't like it. Trust me, I have a "relationship support group" Not saying that you all don't give WONDERFUL advice and encouraging words, I just don't want people telling me what is best for ME. I usually disclose when a topic is about me. I learned my lesson when I first started this blog and my relationship was the one on the rocks.

This series is about my beautiful friends. I love them to death but sometimes, we all come to a point in our life were we are the stupidest creatures on earth. I didn't want to put them out there like that because they read my blog regularly, so I did make reference to myself and my past experiences. As you all know, I am engaged. But I want you all to know that I am very happy in my relationship and how the unfortunate events of our past has brought us closer together and stronger as a couple. We both grew up and are continuing to work together as a TEAM. Not individuals; that is all that I want express to my friends. I just want them to find the same happiness, that I have found after all this time. And I want to assure you, my lovely loyal followers, that I know my worth. *flips hair*

The last installment of Relationships on the Rocks will be posted on Tuesday, June 21, 2011. Happy Almost Summer Everyone.

Relationships on the Rocks .02: I Only Know...

2011-06-16T11:44:00.001-04:00

...What you want me to know & that is FINE WITH ME!

I refuse to look in my fiancé's personal things anymore. I do not look in his phone, facebook, twitter, etc. because I am pretty sure I am going to find something I am not going to like; even if it is as small as a 'Hey." My first reaction to anything like that is "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH?" Totally psycho bitch on his ass for an effing "hey how you doing" to a slore I don't know. I feel like if it is something very severe, it will come out when it is ready.

Along with that though, I also know how I am. This is going to be some seriously pansy ass bullshit but I know that if I go through his phone, twitter, facebook, etc. I know what I am going to do. I am going to yell, scream, cry, leave a few days, come back, and forgive. Then we'll be back together. So what's the fucking point in starting all that drama knowing that I only ever want to be with him?

I don't what people to think that I am just some weakling; because I am not. I don't see the point in women who make all this fuss about what they found if they are just going to end up with them in the end. When you go on a rampage like that, it is time to break up. When you cry, scream, and yell, it is time to break up. So why cry scream and yell and stay together? It is a waste of fucking time.

Don't get me wrong, please explain to your mate how it makes you feel and why they shouldn't do it because if you cause a scene full of tears and yelling; you both are going to shut down. I've found out that if I give my fiance his space, I get more attention and love. I've also learned that if I should find something incriminating like that and I am tired of dealing with it, I will not fuss. I will just leave. Still no drama.

Maybe it is just me and I am a pussy because I won't fly off the handle. Ah Well. I still have my fiancé, happily in love, and my ignorance is bliss.

Relationships on the Rocks .01: All You Have Is Your Word

2011-06-15T12:20:00.001-04:00

This is a series of blog posts that will talk about interesting things that I've noticed between my friends, family and my personal relationships. This one is entitled:

"All you have is your word"

When it gets hot, people get HURT. Is this national time of year to be "fast in the ass"? Is April - September the "20s" turn from the 80/20 rule? Why do people break up during the hot months and then want to be together in the cold months? DESPERATION.

Most of my relationships lasted throughout the summer. I have no idea why this is the opposite for me. Does that mean that I am just a good summer time fling? Sad face. I am not about to look into that much further.

How do you feel about internet "flirting"? When does it go too far? I see so many people plagued by this issue on more than one occasion and relationships truly suffer from it. I personally feel like words bring meaning.

As a human, man or woman, all we have is our word. That is what everyone relies on and trusts in. No, they don't trust you as a person, they trust your word. WHAT YOU SAY. So how am I supposed to know when you are joking? How am I supposed to know you didn't mean it? You said it; YOU wrote it. You had every opportunity to delete it. Just hit the effing backspace button.

I seriously live by the notion "If what you are doing is a secret, then you shouldn't be doing it." How does it feel to go on facebook or twitter and see your significant other flirting with the opposite sex? I am not talking about "hey sexy" I am talking about "I miss you" or "We need to hang out" or "How about I come and see you on Friday."

It HURTS.

Many people, probably the ones who probably partake in it the most, like to say "It's the internet, it's not that serious!!" This is true when it comes to "internet thugs" and bullies. But even then, it can be taken too far especially when it's on facebook because YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE! They probably know your phone number, where you live, etc. They'll come after you.

When you are dealing with real people; that you've known in real life, it is easy to make those "playful flirts" a reality. People, how do you expect anyone to trust you when you say things like this? To past flings?

Your words are real. The people on the other end of the computer screen/phone are real therefore, your actions are not justifiable and you are labeled a habitual liar and emotional cheater. I will not believe you.

It is just a disgusting playground that will ruin your relationship so be careful!

Have you ever had a time when you flirted online and got caught? Have you experienced your mate doing this? Is typing the same thing as saying or am I just over exaggerating?

Stay tuned, part 2 is going to be posted tomorrow. Yeah, Yeah! You got lucky to have two posts in a row!

What's the Difference Between...

2011-06-13T20:19:00.001-04:00

An asshole and a dickhead? Eric said that dickheads are just hard headed and stubborn. An asshole is a person who know what they are doing is wrong and decide to do it anyway! Fuckers... I think they are both the same damn thing! What's your point of view?

Randomly Happily Angry.

2011-06-07T13:49:00.001-04:00

[ NO CONTENT ]

SIKE NAW, you know I always have something to say. This is going to be a very short post because I am UBER happy/angry. First, the good news. I just seen the movie trailer to Breaking Dawn part 1. I would have posted it but I am at work and they blocked you tube. So I just watched it on my phone. You know I will post it on here as soooooon as I get home. Lets just say my FANDOM for stalking all things edward has begun again. I mean I am soo excited for November I can't stop lusting after Edward.

Angry thing: Sex Hair #2 Patrick Dempsey is leaving Grey's Anatomy. If you didn't know, GA is my favoritiest show EVER! And now my FAVORITEST CHARACTER MCDREAMY is LEAVING?!?! I didn't care when Burke left (ok I did a little), when Addy got her own show (I watch that now too), when George died (that was sad), and Izzy was seeing dead people, then left. BUT MCDREAMY! It'll never be the same again. EVER.

I'm still gonna watch it though, with disdain.

I'm In Love With A Stripper...

2011-06-01T08:58:00.001-04:00

NOT! But I do have an interesting story to tell. In fact, it is so good, I do not know where to begin! A few weeks back my cousin got married to the love of her life but there is a catch... it was to a woman! What does that mean? EPIC NIGHT AT THE TITTY BAR!!

*Disclaimer: If you have a problem with this, please click on one of my other brilliant posts because your negativity/judgements are not needed here. Besides, if you do that, you are missing out on one hell of a story. *

Therefore, we had the ULTIMATE bachelorette party! My cousin rented a party bus. If you do not know what a party bus is; shame on you. Sike naw, but it is basically a bus that has a stripper pole & bar in it with a club type atmosphere. In Detroit, you can usually rent one where ever you can rent limousines.

So we started the night at my place waiting for the bus to arrive around 11pm. Then we made our way to the strip club. A gentleman's club. Now by this time I had a couple shots of tequila and I am feeling myself, however, I was still nervous. I mean, first of all, I am not gay. Secondly, my fiance is coming with us and I was slightly insecure about him looking at these thin, big booty bitches and then becoming disappointed with me because I didn't look like them. Lastly, was I really ready to see REAL ass and tits? I mean, sure I watch pornos but this was REAL. TOTALLY a big deal.

*FLASHBACK* to the summer of 2010. My friend had a house party and it was this little white chick standing about 5'2 who came up to me drunk as fuck and sqoze my breasts. Just blantantly cupped them, then walked away. I didn't have on a bra, and I was a little drunk too but I didn't want to just smack the shit out of her in front of everyone. So I stood there. Confused. Gay Experience #1.

We walk into the club and I my mouth dropped open. It was a nice looking place with an ancient greek theme - so cliche. My cousin and her friends sat right at the stage, Eric, Jalisa, & I sat a few rows back. I didn't know what to expect. There were two poles therefore about 3 dancers on stage at a time. Some did tricks but others didn't do shit because no one was talking about that cash for at least an hour. But once the drinks started flowing.. it was on and poppin. So granted, most of my cousins friend's and my cousin's now wife friends are lesbians or bi. So they went buck wild.

There are certain rules you must adhere to when you go to a strip club. Let me just say, all of those rules were tossed out the window especially since there were alll beautiful women. Dressed and on stage. And apparently, if you are gay, they let you touch them. For example, guys are not allowed to get too close to a stripper, let alone touch her. But one of the ladys with the party, ate a stripper's pussy on stage right in front of everyone. The strippers let them smack their ass and kiss them. It was wild.

So the part that includes my night there: I did not know how to tip the stripper. I mean how was I supposed to know when I have never been. So I was taught that in order for the stripper to earn her keep, she must come get the dollar. Most of the time I just got laughed at because their ass would be moving so fast I couldn't get a handle on the string to put the dollar in. Seriously, one of them laughed at me and my friend. But I think the strippers thought that I was gay too or they just wanted me because the first stripper that I actually got close to, motorboated my tittes. I was ok, with that. Whatever. People are going to motorboat titties at the titty bar right? Eric (@Made_of_Steal59) was grinning ear to ear at this point, but it gets worse. Jalisa (@Damn_She_Paid) and I started to ask the strippers personal ass questions like "where do you buy your make up? why don't you have hair on your pussy? How do you get the hair off your pussy?"

Then Jalisa, wanted a lap dance from her favorite girl. Unfortunately, we were both too drunk to know how to tell them all apart so I just picked one. I remember saying "Jalisa, just pick one, they all are starting to look alike!!" The one I picked was sooo pretty in a non homo kind of way. Well, if I was gay I would like her lol. She smelled good and her skin was soft!! Jalisa paid for the dance therefore making it HER DANCE but somehow, I got humped on too. Weird!!! Then another one came on stage, pulled me out my chair, gave me $8, motorboated my tits again, squeezed them and SUCKED THEM!!!! OMG. Ok, I didn't know that happened until I felt my dress wet were my nipples were. Gay Experience #2, 3, 4 & 5. These things need to slow down because I am trying to limit myself to 1 gay experience every 3 years. So I think I should be set until 2020.

Eric is not a strip club kind of man. What I mean by this is, he doesn't go.. EVER. He has when he was younger but he doesn't really like to go and has never went in the 4 years we have been together. He says "why spend money on these broads when I spend money on your ass everyday, take your fucking clothes off." But he couldn't deny how hot he got when he seen all the attention I was getting from the strippers.

By the end of the night, there was so much girl on girl action on the stage (mostly strippers and my family) I was bored. The last stripper I seen (well, from what I remember), kept showing us her pussy. I was disgusted. I CANNOT look at another woman's puss. It is like a monster between your legs. I love mine, but that is all the love I have for cat. And she just kept showing it. I had to get up and walk away. It didn't smell or anything I just personally cannot handle all of that. It was my limit, I've had enough. That right there, proved to me that I couldn't be gay.

My point is, Strippers want my titties. And it is not just the strippers its women in general. Of course men are going to look like dude from Red Robin last night. Looking down my shirt in front of Eric, shameless. I felt like a piece of meat, but it did do wonders for my confiedence. I can pull bitches if I wanted too. I am glad to say that I am blessed to have this chest :o)

What do you think about my life now?

I Don't Like To Blog About

2011-05-31T11:15:00.001-04:00

Relationships. ESPECIALLY MINE. I very rarely have anything to say about relationships because I hate giving relationship advice. I feel like since my relationship isn't the best who am I to try to tell someone else how to run their relationship? Especially since more often than not, they aren't gonna listen and do what they want to do anyway. I am not currently looking for advice with what I am about to say but I need to get it off my chest. It is very personal so be nice but truthful. Also, I keep getting pressured to blog regularly again. I am going to definitely try.... See, I am trying!

I love summer time. Not because everyone is outside half naked (even though that is a plus), because I feel like my relationship is more stable. But on the other hand, there are so many people who break up during the summer because of the temptation of something new. They find the lamest excuse instead of telling the truth.. I just want to be with someone else... I want to un-sow my wild oats... etc. This is my first issue. People are so ready to deal with another persons bullshit throughout the ENTIRE winter just so they don't have to be alone just to break up with them for some summer ass. WDF is that about? This has never happened to me, I usually get my heart broken in the winter. I don't understand why you would want to stay with someone you do not like during the winter when there is a requirement for gift buying. Then in the summer, become single when you really aint gotta buy shit. Have a cheap ass picnic in the park. Eh, whatever. *kayne shrug*

I guess I can go a little more deeper in my personal life. I have been with Eric since 2007. I am in love with him. But now, as I grow and mature I see that there are so many differences between us. They say opposites attract but damn, sometimes our relationship reminds me of Carrie and Big from Sex and the City; Volumes 1-4. SERIOUSLY. I know that long term relationships have their ups and downs but I am a control freak and it is obvious that my relationship will not last if I cannot get it together. I have a man that put me through college, been there for me when I had nothing which I appreciate and admire about him. Last year, if you weren't following me at the time, him and I broke up because he cheated on me with some trailer park hoodrat. I outta put her picture here buttttttttt I can't have all that hideousness on my beautiful blog. I DECIDED to take him back. I MADE THAT CHOICE. So it is up to me to live with it. Especially since he has done nothing but try to make it up to me through everything; but I can't get over the fact that if I leave him alone for a few hours he may step out on me again. I just can't get over the hurt.

I thought I could, I thought I could forgive him... but in my eyes, to forgive is to forget. When we get into arguments, I don't bring up the past, but when I am alone I think about what happened.. and the argument may have nothing to do with cheating... but in the back of my mind I remember. Why can't I let this go? Why can't I just trust that he won't do it again? I do not feel like I have to be with him out of obligation. I know that I love him unconditionally. But I know I can't treat him like a cheater, when he isn't one. Or is that what I am just telling myself?

Ima 'Bout To Change Some Shit Up...

2011-05-29T17:01:00.000-04:00

Loves, there are going to be a few changes around here... Starting with my Twitter Name.. @iRANDOMbeauty has been retired... I know #sadface but I am still on Twitter as:

@PearlsSoPRETTY

Also, I have gotten tired of bloggers lame ass layouts; therefore, there MAY be a move to a wordpress blog. Nothing has been finalized yet but I will keep you posted. I am thinking of a new address which is currently IAINTTELLINGYOUYET.com lol. I like to surprise my loves! I plan to keep TOAR @ Blogger up and running just to navigate people to the new home; but like I said, nothing is set in stone.

You like my picture? Here have more of beautiful me!!

Elevator Chat

2011-05-27T09:25:00.001-04:00

I really hate elevator chat. I prefer to get on an elevator by myself verses with a complete stranger. Do you know how much can happen in 30 seconds - 1 min? They can kill you, fart the worst fart in the history of farting, or make small talk about how the weather is. I know that has to be the most unfriendliest thing that I have ever said but COME ON. There are too many unanswered questions about protocol for "Riding Elevators with Strangers." I should write a book...

Who is supposed to get on first? What is the most polite way to BO-GUARD the buttons? How can you be the first one to get out of the elevator if you are stuck in the back, basically doing a people shuffle!? How can you not stare at the person standing across from you because if you smile at them, they are probably thinking you are some kind of weirdo or perv. That is usually what I think when people smile at me in the elevator. Probably thinking how they can hem my gorgeous ass up and take advantage of me in naughty ways. Yeah, I went there. THIS IS SO AWKWARD!!!

(SN: I am eating oatmeal while typing this and it is so gross)

Then people are so uncomfortable with the awkward silence they conclude to make small talk to pass the 30+ seconds. Honestly, I do not want to talk at 7:00 in the morning. Try to catch me around 9ish. I REALLY do not want to talk about the weather or how your dogs peed on your company laptop. But what I really hate is when a group of people get on an already running elevator (you know, like between floors) being all loud and obnoxious. Seriously, SDFU. It is too early to be nice! Maybe I am just a crab ass.

Is there anyway to avoid the awkward conversations with people on the elevator? What do you do? Do you fantasize about fucking the person across from you in the elevator?

There is probably no way to avoid it but I will definitely try.. or just take the stairs :o)

This thing called LAZY

2011-05-26T10:04:00.000-04:00

GOOD MORNING WORLD! I just wanted to let you know that my personal computer is acting crazy and I can not use blogger, twitter, or facebook from work.. well besides on my phone. So I found this new and cool way to bother you, update my blog, and look productive while at work. USE MY EMAIL TO POST FUNNY STORIES! YAY! I may be able to post daily if this turns out how I need it to. So on with it.

Yall know that new song by Bruno Mars? The Lazy Song? I really like it but it is definitely not my favorite. I mean who wants to discourage people from making money and having a future? Please Youtube it because I cannot link it here. I woke up this morning all motivated to get to work on time and while driving my hour to work, this damn song came on.

"Today I don't feel like doing anything.. I just want to lay in my bed..."

Then I think to myself, "yeah, I do too"

"I could go get my college degree, my dad would be so proud of me"

"Well, I already have that so lets go back home....Mission Accomplished" *starts driving slower*

NOOO!!!! I need a effing car and I need to make this money! Why is Bruno Mars trying to ruin my life by getting in touch with my lazy side. Then, why is the damn radio stations playing this shit in the morning? People got shit to do. The media already makes it harder than it has to be because of the whole "God is coming to get us" last week now the damn lazy song in the morning while it is raining. I just do not understand. Play that shit in the afternoon, when people are on the way home and are trying to relax. Not in the morning when people aren't even awake! I mean just imagine your alarm going off and this damn song comes on... Your ass just missed the bus to school or you're late for work. Therefore, you are fucking up your money in both instances. Less hours means less money dip shits. All because Bruno Mars is rubbing his laziness off on the radio stations who are determined to ruin everyone else's lives by playing that in the morning. Fuck Off.

Lastly, I just want to say that this guy at my job has the Jigsaw guy from the saw series on his desk and every time I walk past, I shiver. I hate that thing.

Ok bye bye, boss is coming..

PS. If I knew I was going to be making this kind of money, I wouldn't have complained so much while in school. Get that education folks... and not in dumb shit like Art History.

I just want to say...

2011-05-21T14:29:00.000-04:00

that I miss you guys! I feel like such an ass for abandoning you!! But please stay with me. I have some upcoming HOT topics for you! PLUS awards! Enjoy these GIFs in the mean time!

The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol...Episode 5

2011-05-16T08:00:00.004-04:00

I am tired of introductions. GO HERE to see what I had to say about it and let's get on with it! If you missed the last parts:

Introduction by Bob from Squatlo Rant
Episode One: from Sonia at Log Allot Com
Episode Two: from Q at Thank Q for Common Sense
Episode Three: from Michelle W. at MommyConfessions
Episode Four: from Michelle C. at Rantings of the Reckmonster

The Cast:
(In order of appearance)

Mr. Grizz - Paul Bunyan Sized Stalker who I laid the fuck out with a Bottle of Jack
Brandon from My Own Private Idaho
Quincy "Q" from Thank Q For Common Sense
Alexandra "Alex" from The Tsaritsa Sez
Bob from Squalto Rant
Bob's Wife - This bitch
ReckMonster "Reck" from Rantings of the ReckMonster
Falen from Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista
Warren - Our Driver
Sonia from Logallot
Michelle W from Mommy Confessions

Part 1: The Confessional
I can't believe this greasy ass fuck "Mr. Grizz" came back to get my ass. Good thing Brandon was there because Q was too busy making love faces with his shrimp, cheating on his fried chicken. Tell me why again there are only two men in the house? I am surprised Alex crazy butt wasn't out there sprinkling flowers and chanting "Make love, Not War." Sorry Alex, his ass was going DOWN, even if I had to find another bottle of Jack. It is going to be funny when he wakes up surrounded by cement and piss. *Shiver* #Ew.

I don't understand why we are in the middle of Butt-Fuck-Nowhere Helena, Montana. How are we supposed to blog about exciting shit and there ain't shit here? I am sure the network could have found somewhere else to go where there is a younger crowd like Miami or even Orange County! I mean GOD, I am the youngest in the house and I am surrounded by RAW CHICKEN. Well, besides Q but he is too busy making fucked up comments and stuffing his face to even want to have sex with a lively young chick :o/. Brandon and I flirt regularly but he is in love with one of the other girls Tits and Falen's "Fuck Me, I'm Drunk" attitude, and unfortunately, he is apart of the raw chicken family.

Then, why is Bob so.. anal? Well, it isn't him, it is his wife. She has his nuts in a fruit basket. If you didn't want 8 strangers fucking your house up, don't offer it! If that bitch says anything to me, I am going to karate chop her ass, or let Reck practice her fighting technique. Falen, where is the Tequila?

I seriously thought that going to the "bar where everyone knows our name," I would have gotten lucky. Instead, I beat a monsters ass. God, I need to get laid.... *walk out*

Part 2: Black People Adventure
"Warren, this is Lynn. Is there any other place that we can go? You know, where the black guys are?"

"Yeah, I know we are in fucking Montana."

"There are black people everywhere Warren, they are like STDs. They Adapt and Spread."
(S/N: If you took this offensively, please find my about page.)

"Warren, Find the Black People." *Click*

Once I got off the phone with Warren, our driver, I grabbed a glass of Chardonnay and went into the living room (if that is what you want to call it anymore) to find Brandon freak dancing with Reck, smacking her ass to Akon's Smack That, Alex... naked in the pool AGAIN? Falen and Q playing cards while DJing, and Sonia on the couch explaining to Michelle why it is important to embrace her feelings about missing her family. I decided to but-in.

"Sonia girl, you are wasting your breath! This hot mama wants to PAR-TAY! She doesn't care about her family right now, she been fooling all of you! Yeah, I heard you in Confessional!" Pointing my finger in her face.."MISS THANG, POW!"

Sonia was surprised and it looked like Michelle wanted to kick me in my imaginary nads for putting her on blast like that. To smooth things over, I wanted to tell Michelle about my "let's find the black people" adventure and she can come with but the phone rang....

"This is Falen, who the fuck is this and whatchu want?"

"Oh Hey Warren."

"Lynn, Warren said there ain't no black people in Montana but Me, Q, & Sonia. Find one of us to fuck... Count me out because I don't like that gay shit."

Awl Hell. Raw Chicken or Superman? Superman it is.

Don't forget to click that FOLLOW Button for me and my comrades!

Up Next: Falen from Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista

No One Loves Me.

2011-05-11T06:36:00.000-04:00

SIKE NAW. lol I just wanted to say Sike Naw. Anyway, no one is commenting on my effing posts. That's ok because I will continue to blog. You Slores don't have to like me :o) lol.

So once again I am dragged into another Blog extravaganza by Mr. Q. It's entitled "The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol." Basically, There are about 8 Strangers living in a virtual house in Montana and we all have to write a piece of this lovely story. So far, I am a LAME. Don't worry though... Lynn will make her mark! I should be posting my story soon. Hopefully it falls on a weekend so I can actually write something JUICY! To view the past episodes, find the links below:

Episode 1: The Intro Bob
Episode 2: Sonia

Lastly, I wanted to talk about my new job! Yeah, I got one! Well, I a seriously hoping to turn it into a career.. I am an Internal Auditor at a national commercial bank. I work in the IT section that is far as HELL away from all life in Detroit but I am getting paid for it.. so who cares right? From what I have experienced so far, all of the Audit Teams are made up of younger people and that is always a dynamic that I like in a work setting because I'll have more in common with them verses, an 50 year old. For the first couple of days, it has been nothing but training. However, I am very thankful for my Audit Professor at UofM. Without him, I'd probably be lost.

I just wanted to write a little something to give you an update with the happenings of my life and how no one loves my posts anymore. I wrote a good one on Monday. The only one who faithfully comments anymore is IDAHO. Which is why he has something special coming his way. Ok, I am off to work. It is early as fuck.

We Card Because We Care

2011-05-09T12:00:00.001-04:00

Are you the type of person that gets so angry when you get carded for a cigar or alcoholic beverage? I'm not. I just look at them and show them my ID and take it as a compliment for you to think that I am too young to smoke/drink. However, not everyone in this world is as gracious as me.

Take my fiance for example. During my graduation weekend, we made a liquor list and went to the store to fill up on my intoxications and the associate asked for his ID. He was not paying for the liquor, I was. He asked for a black and mild. Dude carded him for a single black and mild. Needless to say, Eric was pissed off and didn't even get the damn black. I bought my liqs though.

We get into the car and I asked Eric why he just didn't show him his ID to get the damn cigar. He got all bent out of shape like

I go to this liquor store all the time. They know who I am and this motherfucker got the nerve to card me. He sees my ID all the time because he is the one who cashes my checks. Fucking Bitch. I feel like if I come into an establishment on a regular basis and they know me by NAME, they do not have the right to card me. Look at this beard. Do this look like a little boy's beard?! I am over fucking 25 let alone 18...

Now, at this point I let him vent and go on and on about how we go there all the time, how they know us.. blah blah blah. But I THOUGHT it was time to burst his arrogant ass bubble:

Babe, they reserve the right to card you if you look under 40 years old. That black must not have meant that much to you if you couldn't just show him your ID. So I do not want to sit here and listen to your ass vent about how you are so special therefore you do not have to obey the law. "We card because we care"

He was even more pissed.

Lynn you know that is fucking bullshit. IF they care so damn much they shouldn't be worried about a grown ass man trying calm his fucking nerves with a black and start caring about these little ratchet ass bitches they call daughters. Fucking slores. They need to stop whore themselves for some damn rocks at the fucking liquor store and take they ass to school.

I probably shouldn't have said anything. But it was so funny watching him get soo bent out of shape because they carded him. My favorite line was "LOOK AT THIS BEARD" lol WDF? Who gives a shit about your beard?

I have a lot of questions for you my lovelies. How do you react when you get carded? What about this whole "Under 40 Law?" Why do men think like Samson, their facial hair gives them strength? Guys have so much pride when it comes to facial hair. Weirdos.

Mother's Day..

2011-05-08T16:45:00.001-04:00

Used to be a depressing time for me because my mom isn't here. Not only that, the following monday, was the day that she died. It was like a sad annual reminder of all the pain and heartache of being lonely without my best friend.

Now, not so much. Yes, I still miss my mom and I do not believe in the whole "in time, things get better" because no matter how much time goes by, the pain/reminder/missing her will never subside. I guess I have just turned over a new leaf and instead of celebrating how dead and gone she is, celebrate how much of a wonderful mother she was.

When I was growing up, I lived in two shelters and then in an apartment. While going through this transition, I was still swimming competitively. My mom spent $700 a year for me to swim on a swim team and travel all across the US. This excludes the moneys paid for travel/hotel/eating expenditures. So what we lived in an apartment, I was able to get into wonderful schools because of my talent, and if I kept up with it, I'd be in the Olympics (yeah, I was really that good. I should show you trophies.. maybe one day).

In any case, this woman worked hard for me. I should celebrate that. She did things for me that other people have YET to do. I should celebrate that. She was a wonderful mom. I should be grateful for the time that we did spend together and I was lucky enough to have a mom that cared about me like she did because there are so many little girls out there struggling more than I am.

If you are a mom, take care of your daughters/children because the best gift in the world is your selflessness, your determination and support.

R.I.P Linda
4/10/50 - 5/15/06

Graduation Weekend!

2011-05-07T03:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I am a chicken shit because I told you that I would post on Monday but it is clearly fucking Saturday. I had a ball of a weekend. It included hanging out with my family, friends, and a drunken emotional breakdown.

My aunt is from Nebraska and she came all the way to Detroit to see me graduate. She had a real culture shock. I was prepared in ATTEMPTING to show her Detroit wasn't that bad but I failed miserably. I was almost embarrassed to live here.. if it wasn't one thing it was another. But overall, she enjoyed her time here and I loved having her. She fell in love with my family and that is want I wanted most.

My party was fucking awesome. All my family came and we partied hard. It started at my aunt's house, for the "adults" of the family. We started drinking so early and people just kept handing me shit. So I kept drinking.Then we moved it to my house were I had an emotional breakdown. Before that, on our travel to my house, we were talking about the difference in white penis and black penis... the conclusions were the same. Everyone can have a little one :o) BHAHAHA. Anyway, you know how something never hits you until you are soo fucked up you fall out in the middle your lawn crying about how I miss my mom and how my pinky means everything to me? Yeah, that is what happened. I do not remember shit. So what I am about to tell you can't be held totally true because this is a summary of everyone's version of what happened sunday night.

My Aunt called my other Aunt Lilly White Ass and she is black as all hell so that made me laugh and some how, I ended up on the lawn laughing so hard I was crying. Then they turned into actual tears. I started off by saying how much I loved my sorority and how hard the road was to obtain those three immaculate letters. Then I started crying/yelling about how much I missed my mom, how I graduated for the both of us (since she died 3 weeks before her graduation), how it was unfair for my cousin and I to lose our moms at an early age, and how the devil didn't mean shit to me. Eventually, the night ended with me telling my best friend's boyfriend how soft his nipples were.

Yeah, that is precisely why I do not drink. But I think it was a good thing to let loose like that and get all the stuff off my chest, I was carrying all that around for too long. After that, I woke up at 8 am ready to go. No hangover or nothing which is surprising because I was drunk as fuck.

On another note, a very pissed off note, my Spanish professor failed me after asking her over and over if I had to take/register for the class this summer. She told me that once she finished grading our finals and I FAILED, she would send me an email letting me know so I am not walking around thinking I am done. Never got that email so I thought I passed. Bitch failed me and I got an email 6 days later from the registars office letting me know that I have missing requirments. The most fucked up part is, I was 3 fucking points from a C-. Fucking Bitch. Nevertheless, I am gonna be done in 3 weeks because I'll take this summer class and get it over with. I have all the exams anyway lol.

Lastly, I start work monday! YAY! Here are some pictures for you to enjoy while I get my shit together and start blogging on a regular basis again. I love you guys and I miss you!!

Still, I Digress.

2011-04-28T06:03:00.002-04:00

I gotta rant for a minute! WDF?! I live in detroit so there is a WIDE variety of slang used here. Recently, I heard the word SLAP.

SLAP
"this party gone slap"

We couldn't find another word for this? Out of all the adjectives in the ENGLISH DICTIONARY, you dumb fuckers picked SLAP. I just don't understand this word, in this context. When I hear this, it makes me want to SLAP the FUCK out of YOU! A very literal word. Like when people are smoking pot, they call it all types of stuff. Recently, I have heard mary-jay-wanna called "LOUD" WDF? I am not hitting that shit. Will it make me talk loud? Will I go deaf because of how loud it is? I love my people but IDK how much more I can take.

Here is another example of how black people are starting to worry me: this is related to "Smash It and Bang It"

If you haven't seen "Smang it" here you go:

▼

Sorry but this is an "all over the place kind of post" But Guess WHAT? I AM DONE YAY!!! So that means you should be hearing more from me and to prove that to you, I changed my layout! Just know that I will still be posting the guest post that you all sent me so do not feel left out! You are still in Rotation!

You Like The Layout? How do you feel about "this party gone slap?" The damn Smang it dance? Who is gonna go to Hogwarts with me? :o) FYI, I AM BACK!!!!

Soh-Shuhl Ree-Tahr-Dey-Shuhn

2011-04-26T00:22:00.001-04:00

I have to say this. As a generation that is fully mobile and technologically correct must we follow the same people EVERYWHERE? I am just saying just because you are my friend on facebook does not mean that I have to follow you on twitter, linked in, skype, yahoo messenger, and now fucking live profile?!

I mean if I follow you 3 out of the 332984249 places, I am pretty sure I can catch up with you. Especially if I have your phone number. I feel like this is Social Retardation. We are so technologically advanced, we are retarded. You know how you have those UBER smart people, but they are so smart they are stupid? Yeah, that is how we all are who follow the same people on 800,000 different social networks. That shit pisses me off. NO I WILL NOT BE YOUR FRIEND ON FACEBOOK IF I AM YOUR FRIEND ON MYSPACE! I will NOT give you my Skype just so you can instant message me on yahoo. Fuck you guys.

I am going to start calling this

SOCIAL RETARD-NATION

because unfortunately, we are the leaders of tomorrow.

Stupid as all hell.

On another note, I got this AWESOME Blog Award from Bitchzilla. I will share with you all later! Remember I am fucking busy? Plus, I want you all to bask in my GLORY!!

Lastly, I have my Spanish final today (Tuesday) and I currently have a D-. I need a C- to pass. So... yeah. Just pray that my professor is going to look out for me since it is my last semester, otherwise, you guys might not see me for another 10 weeks!! I'll still be able to walk across the stage though. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME! I fucking hate Spanish and I would hate to have to take it all over again.

YOU ARE NOT DOING IT RIGHT!

2011-04-22T15:39:00.004-04:00

TOAR TAKEOVER #4 Brought to you by @JNRoll from Documenting the Delusional. This is one of her previous posts from way back when and she thought it would be a good idea for you guys to enjoy this nonsense as well. Thank you Lovely Lady!

I hate it when I am obviously doing something, or nothing (mostly nothing), but it is quite apparent how I am occupying my time, and some sleaze with ill intentions written across his face with jet black permanent marker leans toward me, whether it be at work or any other public location, and asks, ʺWhatcha doin'?ʺ This has always been a pet peeve of mine, but I usually handle myself well and manage to get the man who thinks that I just passing the time by staring at the pages of a book to look smart to get bored with me and give up on his hidden agenda. It can be very tiresome.

Man with very high standards who takes a seat beside me:

ʺWhat are you doing?ʺ

Me with very low patience and has a purse beneath the man's ass:

ʺ...Reading a book.ʺ
Man: ʺWhat book is it?"
Me: (It is written on the cover that is facing you, asshole) ʺEat, Pray, Love.ʺ
Man: ʺIs it about eating, praying and loving?
Me: (No, it's about cannibalism and necrophiliacs.) ʺYep.ʺ
Man: ʺDo you need to learn to do these things?ʺ
Me: (I will kill you.) ʺThis is a story about someone else. It was not in the ʺDo It Yourselfʺ section, if that is what you mean.ʺ
ʺAh.ʺ

(Five minutes pass with my nose in the pages and the man staring at me until he grows bored of me and leaves, leaving my purse pressed into the seats, halfway hidden in the cushions of the couch.)

That same day, I went to work and did my usual clean sweep of the place, then sat down to enjoy a hookah until my shift was over at ten. Maeson was not in the best of moods, but said something that reminded me that I have brilliant friends. ʺI was a bitch today,ʺ she started.

ʺHow?ʺ
ʺI hate it when people ask me what I am doing when it is obvious what I am doing.ʺ
ʺI completely agree.ʺ
ʺSo I am going to start answering them all the same way.ʺ
ʺHow?ʺ
ʺI am going to tell them to I am doing kegal exercises.ʺ

My jaw dropped.

ʺI tried it and it worked. The guy thought I was weird and walked away.ʺ

My jaw was so low to the ground I was in danger of getting rug burn on my chin.

ʺIt actually works?ʺ
ʺSo far.ʺ

I mean, the idea is incredibly inappropriate, but it was produced at work, a place with no boundaries. (Maybe that is why I don't make tips...) But I wanted to try it out for myself. So I set up a station at the front desk and waited to be approached by the same question that so many women hate.

ʺSo what are you up to?ʺ

I looked up from my book to find a mediocre looking freshman adorned with a hot pink polo and a tie. Oh God. So I tested the waters, confident that Maeson's knowledge of the world that had been passed down to me would surely work in my favor. So I replied as sarcastically as humanly possible,

ʺDoing my kegal exercises.ʺ
ʺThat is so incredibly SEXY.ʺ

Great Jessica.

ʺDo all women do that or just some?ʺ

You picked a horny freshman to use as a lab rat.

ʺOh my God I bet you are so good in bed.ʺ

Good job.

LMAO! Great Post Jess! Thanks so much for sharing!
Follow and Love Jess at Documenting the Delusional.

Girl You Ain't Seen These Balls...

2011-04-21T01:33:00.001-04:00

Because I haven't wrote anything inappropriate in a while... Here you go! Enjoy. Trust Me, I'll be back soon! Just a Little While Longer!

A New Legacy Begins!

2011-04-18T01:07:00.001-04:00

Remember when I told yall I had a secret and I couldn't tell you, WELL GUESS WHAT?! I CAN NOW! BHAHAHA. Anyway, the reason why I have been so busy (and will continue to be until at least May 3rd) was because I was learning about Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated.

If you do not know who Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority is, let me give you a brief run down. AKA is the FIRST BLACK GREEK SORORITY. It was founded in 1908 with a purpose to unify black women on college campuses across the nation while being SUPREME in service to all mankind.

I finally was initiated on April 17, 2011. YAY! So that is why I had to take such a long break because being an Alpha Kappa Alpha woman is a LIFETIME commitment. It was seven of us that were initiated and together we are called 7th Emergence. My personal Line Name is Vivacity.

vi·vac·i·ty
lively in temper, conduct, or spirit

I just wanted to let you all know that I did not leave you on purpose. I will probably be gone for another 2 weeks due to finals and things. However, I still have many TOAR Takeovers for you to enjoy while I am on my short hiatus. Thank you for being understanding! I love you all!

Dishonorable Discharge

2011-04-14T15:31:00.001-04:00

TOAR TAKEOVER #3: by Amber Lashell from Amber Lashell Rants.. For the adult crowd, Amber LaShell's Naughty Nights. Her Naughty Nights are my favorite. I wanted people to talk about how they have been cheated on or the "other man/woman" If you have an interesting story to tell with all the drama, feel free to contact me!

When I was in college, I was a part of the student government and we did lots of charity work, well one of the charities we decided to join was a send Christmas cards to the troops in Iraq. I filled out probably close to 50 Christmas cards and mailed them off. A few months later, I got a response from a man named, well let’s call him Adam (name changed for privacy) telling me how he had been in Iraq for a couple of months and was really bummed being away from his family on Christmas and that my card made him feel so much better. If you know me, you know I love to write, so any excuse to have a pen pal and I went for it.

We continued to write each other letters for quite a few months, even sending pictures of each other through the mail. About 9 months in, he told me that he was done with his year in Iraq and was being stationed in Fort Hood (I live in Dallas and it’s about 2 hours south of me) and really wanted to meet me. I was excited and even spoke to his father on the phone about when he was going to be landing in Dallas. Finally the day came that we got to meet in person, the first meeting was very innocent and I took him to a large mall so he could do some shopping. He told me he only had fatigues to wear and needed some new clothes.

After spending about 2 or 3 hours together, he took off in his car back to Fort Hood, after giving we a really sweet kiss, but we started to talk on the phone for hours at a time, every single night. He told me that he had a son with his ex-girlfriend and even sent me pictures of him. After talking on the phone for a couple of weeks, we met up half way and got a hotel room and for the first time, spent the night together. The thing I remember the most was that he went to the bathroom after I was there for maybe 5 minutes and walked out naked. Now, being in the military and in Iraq had nothing better to do than work out, so he had a very banging body.

We went our separate ways after that and although we still talked on the phone every day, we never met up again for sex or anything, but maybe a week after I met up with him; I get a phone call asking for Amber from an unknown number. Being the person I am, I told the person Amber wasn’t home.. Hey, I thought it was a telemarketer. The night time the was called, she started with, I’m looking for Amber and I’m not a telemarketer or Bill Collector, so I finally admitted I was Amber and the next words out of her mouth made my stomach drop and I nearly fainted. “I think you are sleeping with my husband” I know I sounded like a slut because I replied, “and who is your husband?” I hadn’t slept with anyone else, but I wanted to make sure this chick didn’t have the wrong person. She didn’t, and I told her everything that had happened and everything that was said. She called him on three-way while I stayed silent, just so I could hear him tell her he loved her and that she wasn’t lying about them being married. When she came out with my name and I made myself known on the phone, he simply hung up on us. I never heard from either of them again.

Please Follow Amber LaShell Rants.

TOAR Hates The Kids....

2011-04-11T10:00:00.000-04:00

WARNING: It is a lot of F-BOMBS in this post. Use Caution While Reading!

Not really but I do hate their birthday parties. This shit REALLY PINCHES MY FUCKING NIPPLES WITH CRAB CLAWS! I went to my "Nephew-in-Law's" first birthday party and there was NO WHERE TO FUCKING SIT DOWN AND EAT IN PEACE! I was cramped in a fucking corner around all these BLACK PEOPLE (yes, that is my racism coming out so FUCK YOU) and little children running around. I mean there was a little baby - no more than 8 months old - just learning how to walk and everyone was walking over her! I pulled her out the way before someone ELSE stepped on her. Then, as I was eating this other little girl FORCED herself between me and the damn table to get to her mom. She had a noise-maker-blower-roll-out thingy. Do you know that she kept blowing that thing right in front of me and every time the extension portion rolled out, it hit me right in the pussy? I mean, I would have been turned on... BUT IT WAS A LITTLE ASS GIRL BOTHERING THE FUCK OUT OF ME! She just kept doing it. Blow, Roll Out, Hit. Blow, Roll Out, Hit. Blow, Roll Out, Hit. Blow, Roll Out, Hit. OVER AND FUCKING OVER.

I already feel like between the ages of two and six children should not get parties that cost $(outlandish number goes here). I think for their first birthday you do it big and the birthdays between 2 & 6 should just be with immediate family. Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Grandma & Grandad. No little ass fuckers running around with shit all over their hands and touching shit in my house. I will not pay for your ratchet ass kids to fuck up my good shit. I will not pay for your kids to go to Chucky Cheese, and no one shows up. Fuck You Guys.

I have always said that the kids will never remember the damn party anyway so why over do it? When I say that, of course people are ~~immediately pissed~~ so angry with me because they seriously believe that they are going to remember you taking the time out and planning this shit. They get presents and cake practically every day so what's so special about a Child's Second birthday?

You probably think that I sound bitter because I didn't have birthday parties every year but on the contrary, I did. And you know what I remember? The pictures. That is it! The only reason why I remember the party at all is because of the pictures. Get this straight. I REMEMBER THE PICTURES of the party, NOT the PARTY ITSELF. The pictures just validate that it happened. If you ask me right now who was at my 4th Birthday Party - I wouldn't know. Especially if you wasn't in the damn pictures. I wouldn't be able to tell you what I wore (if it wasn't for the pictures), I wouldn't be able to tell you what color my cake/balloons were, if it wasn't for those damn pictures.

IT'S A FORCED FUCKING MEMORY.

I can't tell you who got into an argument. Pictures can't capture that conversation! My thing is, that outrageous amount money you're spending can be put to better use to create REAL memories. Memories like going to Canada's "Storybook Gardens" or Chicago's Shedd Aquarium. Sure, I don't have kids now but I think the parents that do over the top parties (when they are that little) are only doing them so THEY can remember, not the child.

In either case, your raggedy, perverted ass kids ain't fucking my house up.

It is April 10...

2011-04-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

It is my mom's birthday. I should be celebrating or saying something really optimistic and positive. But honestly, I do not feel like it. I don't feel happy or feel like celebrating. All I really want to do is finish this stupid 34 page paper, take a shower, cry, and go to sleep. I always talk about her, so I don't feel like doing that.

I guess today, I just don't feel..

RIP Linda Langston King
4-10-1950 to 5-15-2006

Stylish Blogger Award .02

2011-04-10T00:24:00.000-04:00

Well, People think I am stylish because not only do I have one Stylish Blogger Award, I have TWO! YAY! Thanks to LaNeshe from Nesheaholic.com! There is always a fucking catch to getting a damn award. Can't you just GIVE it to me without having to do work? Yeah Well, fuck that. Here is the rules for YOU guys to follow:

1. Thank and link back to the person that awarded you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Award 15 5 recently discovered great bloggers
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award

And the Awards Go To:

My Blogger-Hubby Brandon from Lost In Idaho.
This Daddy's Blog
Kit Kat from Kit Kat Tales.
Rachel from Bitchzilla on the Loose.
Jasmine from JazzItUp!

You're Welcome :o)

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ My First Time ♬ ♫ ♪ ♩

2011-04-07T12:14:00.001-04:00

Unladylike Behavior

TOAR Takeover #2: I want to welcome Amber from Unladylike Behavior to TOAR! Amber is the EXACT opposite of the standard meaning of a "lady." Hence the "UN" in front of "Lady". I love that she is clumsy and not afraid to tell her embarrassing YET hilarious stories about her "oxymoron" of a life. Amber wanted to guest post on TOAR because she doesn't usually talk about SEX on her blog so here she is... telling us about her first time!

Hi guys, I’m Amber from Unladylike Behavior. I’m pretty darned excited to be guest posting here at TOAR and have a whole lot of unladylike-ness to unload on y’all.

I’d like to tell you about the first time that Zack, my lover-ly boyfriend, and I had sex. It was before our first date. Oops. And it was a week after I broke up with my fiancé. Don’t judge!

Really though, here’s the story.

I broke up with my fiancé for reasons I won’t dish out here (that’s a whole different story) and a friend of mine invited me on a camping trip to get away from it all. I went, met her brother-in-law Zack, and fell in love with him instantaneously.

I was sharing a tent with Zack’s sister, and he with a friend. We flirted until 3am the first night, and the entire second day. That second night the group sat around the campfire drinking, and then began to retire to their tents one by one. Eventually we were the only two left and, fueled by beer and hormones, decided to sit by the water’s edge and “look at the stars”. My dog, who had not taken a liking to Zack in the least bit, followed us. We sat next to one another in silence for a moment. My dog pushed his way between us, staring Zack down. I laughed and moved him, then said the cheesiest line of all time:

“Well, he may not like you, but you have my permission to kiss me.”

Crickets.

I apparently had misread his flirtatiousness as he said nothing. Finally he began to make small talk again. I was mortified and confused. As he talked he slowly moved closer and I thought, ‘wait a sec, is he going to kiss me after all?’ Finally he looked at me with a shy smile and said, “You’re going to have to help me out here.”

Wait a sec. I just asked you to kiss me… and you need help? I couldn’t help but laugh, it was pretty cute.

So we kissed. And kissed… and kissed. Then he asked if I wanted to come back to his crib, er… tent. Turns out the beer had given him some confidence and he already arranged for his friend to shack up in his sister’s tent for the night, leaving his for the two of us. It did leave me to wonder what he would have done if I’d shot him down.

So I went back to his tent with him, and we did the nasty (several times). Ahh… there’s nothing like camping sex to start off your relationship. [FYI, Amber, I want details so I think another guest post is in order -::evil laugh:: ! Love, TOAR]

What’s your best ‘first time’ story?

To follow Amber, Go to: Unladylikebehavior.com
Twitter: @UnladylikeBlog

I F%*KED Your Man, So What?

2011-04-06T10:54:00.001-04:00

Back in my hay days, I was the ULTIMATE HOMEWRECKER. I mean seriously, I did not give a fuck about if a guy had a girlfriend or not. If I wanted a piece, I got a piece FLAT OUT. Now, let me set this straight, I did NOT fuck married men (this includes engaged as well) or men with kids. That was definitely a NO-GO zone because I cherish marriage and I was not going to be NOBODY'S step mom at 16-18. Fuck that.

I can say that I wasn't necessarily a "hoe" because I define a hoe as fucking 8 men at the same time. For example, I just fucked this guy and tomorrow I am going to fuck this guy and that guy. The then next day... etc. I did not do that. I had a new "partner" possibly every two months and once I was done with it, our fun was over. NO BACK-CIES. There was no rotation or anything of the sort. We'd fuck, I get tired, I moved on. To me, I have a pretty mediocre number being only 22 but that is a post for another time. But on the other hand, if they were just in a relationship and no future was being generated out of it, those men were fair game.

I just read this one post and a lot of people got offended because the author described how your confidence and nasty talk can lure a man away from his girlfriend or at the very least peek his curiosity. I never wanted to actually "wife these hoes" (that is my man talk lol), I just wanted to know... you know, if he can put it down. In hindsight, it is sad to say it wasn't worth it because it wouldn't even last 2 months lol. We'd fuck once and that was it. BUT, other times I be like:

Let's just say, I was not disappointed :o)

I fucked your man so what? I didn't want a relationship with dude. I just wanted a piece. Is that wrong for me to just want a PIECE? You can keep all that emotional girlfriend shit because I did not give a fuck. I just wanted the slong between his legs. Guys feel like this too. These kinds of situations empower them. Just like they empowered me. It's like the whole concept of forbidden fruit. I shouldn't have you but I want you so bad.

My shit talking and confidence apparently got me a lot of ass but it also brought me to my Fiance. He was the only one that I can say that I actually wanted to be with. I did not necessarily steal him from a girlfriend, but I did snatch his ass up from the little competition I had. When we first met, he was talking to another woman and I was very nonchalant about us being together. I was not going to have sex with him until we were official but I had to do something because he was getting ass on a regular basis. He told me about them. He told me that he was truly interested in the both of us. I told him, "No sir, you must pick one" But the liner that still has him currently providing me with everything I need is: "If you wanna be with me, you're going to choose me. If not, then it's your loss..."

Ah, I miss those days. Well, not really because I can remember running around Detroit like a crazy horn ball. To all those guys that encountered a bitch like me, you're welcome. I saved you from your dreadful life.

I thought I'd let you have a long post since I am not posting regularly anymore. I am still looking for guest bloggers so if you are interested, Click Here For More Details. To get more of TOAR, check out my TUMBLR! It is easier to post there more frequently.

THIS IS NOT A PORN SITE!!!

2011-04-05T00:00:00.022-04:00

TOAR Takeover #1: I am effing busy so here is my FAVORITE asian, Gnetch. She has fuck awesome drawings that are orignial and funny as hell. I think she well do a great Job during TOAR Takeover Month(s). Enjoy!

Hi!!! I'm Gnetch. I run a humor(ish) blog over at Thank Goodness For The Good Ones. I know. Lame blog name. But don't judge.

So TOAR asked me to guest post because, well, she's so fucking busy. And of course, I'm privileged. Sadly, I'm kinda suffering from this writer's block sort of shit lately so you're gonna get an old post. But it's still awesome. Ask my mom.

I mean, who hates looking at porn? And keywords? I mean, search engines think that my blog is a porn site. So why not give them what they want?

Let's do this!

THIS IS NOT A PORN SITE!!!

(it could be gnetch blahaha)

But, okay! What the hell, right?

From experience, I know how disappointing it is when Google leads you to the wrong site every time you search for something very important such as:

I know the feeling.

And because of that, I came up with an IDEA so that you, who Google random stuff and end up on my blog, won't be disappointed.

Because I don't want anyone to get disappointed. I'll give you what you want. Whatever it is you're looking for, you'll find it here.

But first of all, those who have been Googling these:

You are in the right place.

And here we go with the rest:

1. Keywords:

Judging by these keywords, I think you want some solution to your relationship problems. And because I'm not violent AT ALL, this is what I've come up with:

Whatever problem you have with your partner, whether he is forgetful or you're just PMS-ing, this is the best, non-violent ~~revenge~~ solution I can give you.

2. Keywords:

Now, judging by these keywords, I think you're looking for a porn site so I decided to give you a male porn star/director. He looks creepy so I think he's what you're looking for.

I hope you're not disappointed to see that black bar. It's super necessary because his pants are so disgustingly tight and I don't want you to lose your appetite.

Plus, a little mystery won't hurt anyone.

3. Keyword:

This, I think, is the weirdest keyword of all. Not only are you Googling for a whore when you can just find one anywhere, but also, you prefer an edentulous one.

You have weird tastes. But to each his own. Who am I to judge?

So here she is:

You're welcome.

To Follow Gnetch:
http://thankgoodnessforthegoodones.blogspot.com

TWILIGHT EMERGENCY.

2011-04-01T16:28:00.003-04:00

Since I have more respect than just copy and pasting codes everywhere of all the leaked pictures I just found, Just let me tell you that they are fuck hawt and I love Edward way more with all his back muscles. You need to get them while they are hot.. But I ain't gonna help. Sorry!

I'm not gonna post them because I do not want to get sued over some copyright infringement or some dumb shit like that. I am kinda mad that they got leaked though; I was looking forward to waiting until November to see Edward's sexy back. Plus it fucks up the whole waiting on what everything is going to look like. Now I feel kind of sad that I seen shots from the movie. Of course I am still going to see it, its just that I wanted to be surprised and that is definitely ruined for me. They even had the birth scene.

Ok Now I AM FUCKING PISSED! This is the exact reason why steph isn't going to write any more twilights because of greedy fuckers like them. OMG and she still hasn't finished Midnight Sun. You know what you guys.. FUCK YOU! <^>

Oh what the hell, I have to save that picture for view later. YUMMY.

Ohh.. Yeah... Click Me Baby.

2011-03-31T06:51:00.000-04:00

I thought it was that time again for me to update my button.. So here it is!

Remember:

If you haven't placed your button on the "Button Love" page, do so now! Get MORE Followers and FOLLOW more people!
If you do not have a button & would like one, Contact Me with the subject heading "Banners, Button, & Sigs"
If I changed my button, what do you think is about to happen next? ::evil laugh::

Do you like?

Because I do not want to have another short meaningless post, enjoy this OLD post about child hood shit talking..

Title: Do you remember?

"baldhead scallywag, aint got no hair in the back"

"baldhead skittle dittle, aint got no hair in the middle"

LMBO! What sayings do you remember from your childhood?

300th & a Dance

2011-03-30T13:00:00.004-04:00

BAM! I just hit my 300th post. WOOT WOOT. While doing the blogger tourney, I was having a hard time trying to find the "Best of TOAR" and it freaked me out because the first thing I said to Q was: I almost have 300 posts and all I write about is CRAP! I was having a mental break down seriously.

Now, looking back at my random writings, I did write a bunch of crap that you guys apparently love.. Weirdos. So now (just this time) I want to have an actual discussion on this: DANCE.

I am no dancer. I dance like that white girl who was in band camp and that one time, who stuck a flute up her ... yeah. Or the guy who does the running man to every song. A facebook friend of mine is a dancer and she was ranting on and on about these videos saying:

They should be shut down because they are Kiddie Strippers!

and...

since most of my friends are parents and professionally trained technical dancers or cheer/dance teachers/coaches....How would you feel if your daughter or student was in a dance like the links below?

View these videos.. then read my almost disagreement.

My Facebook friend was offended because these girls are 7 years old dancing all frisky like with sexy music and dirty outfits.

These videos are not showing us anything different from what happens in cousin tay tay house. People are starting to encourage their kids to shake their ass at the age of 3. Do I disagree with 3 year olds doing that? Absolutely. Do I disagree with the girls in the videos above? Not so much. Just hear me out!

I only have a problem with their attire. I think that it should be a little more conservative considering their age. However, how can you get mad at them for dancing like that when their Idols are doing the same thing? Is Beyonce not breaking it down like that in single ladies? How about in Ego? My thoughts exactly. It's not like they are dancing like hoes for the money. Who would you want them dancing for? Cousin Tay Tay or College Scouts?

I think that dancing with an agency or company or whatever they are called, is something constructive for kids to do. I do not find anything wrong with the way they are dancing because it is the new style of dancing. Jazz with a hint of Hip Hop.

If you disagree, is there something I am missing?

Ok, yeah there is a lot that I was missing. They are SEVEN! Wouldn't this encourage them to have sex at a younger age? Little boys peder weders are all hard and shit seeing things gyrating and shaking shit they don't got. Ew.

Looking for Guest Writers

2011-03-29T20:19:00.000-04:00

Hey Guys,

I am currently looking for Guest Writers for TOAR for the months of April and May because as I already told you, things are getting pretty tight and events are smashing together like a fat ladies panties between the cheeks. I plan to place the guest posts between my posts during the week to attempt to keep TOAR running and updated. So I need your help!!!

Unfortunately, I do not have topics to hand out but I do have some suggestions when writing for TOAR.

Whatever you wouldn't normally talk about on your blog, feel free to cut loose on mine. I seriously believe that my readers love crazy psycho shit lol. Like if you have a friend that reads your blog but you want to talk shit about them, feel free to rant on mine! More then likely they'll think I wrote it.
If you have a "BEST OF" post on your personal blog that you think is worthy of reading over and over again, email it to me and I'll post that.
REMEMBER that the theme of TOAR is "RANDOM WRITING CHAOS" so Raunchy Dirty Sex and Explicit Material is allowed. Let's make use of the "Caution to Enter Sign" 'kay?

If you are interested in holding my 124 followers (and counting) hostage, just email me by clicking this long ass link that I created just to be an ass. The subject should be "Guest Posting." If you want me to return the favor, specify that in the email but I should warn you, as it stands I owe like 3 people guest posts already so your's will be added to the "QUE" once my schedule stops beating my ass. To view previous guest bloggers, click the Featured Bloggers tab above. ::Side Note:: I think I am going to make a button that says "I've Been Featured on TOAR" what do you think?

Lastly, just remember to write a brief introduction of you, your blog, and why/how you began blogging! I look forward to hearing from all of you!

Banging It Out!

2011-03-28T17:46:00.000-04:00

Well, from the looks of the Blogger Tourney, I am going to get shut out now by Brandon [my blogger hubby] from My Own Private Idaho and now I have to show him my boobs :oX stay tuned for that. I think I worked all my "Voting Assassins" too hard in the first round which is fine because that was the round I wanted to win! So with that, thank you sooo much for your support and now back to regular raunchy ass TOAR.

It is obvious that my mom left me in good hands. I have had so much stuff happen to me in the last week and a half I have to write about it, the good and bad. So the good stuff first. All of my short term goals are almost complete! 4 out of 6 to be precise! I can only go into detail just a little bit because it is an EFFING SECRET! (you'll find out sooner rather than later, just you wait!).

Graduate College

As you already know, my commencement for graduation is on May 1, 2011 at 10am. I will be graduating from Big Blue with my bachelors of business administration with a concentration in Accounting Information Systems. BAM. 4 more weeks :o)

~~Find a Job before graduation~~

I started looking for a 'real' job (you know, your first grown up job) in February and got so many call backs for interviews. I only got two actual offers and guess what I chose? Eh, well you can't guess since I didn't give you anything to choose from lol. Anyway, I will be starting my new job at Comerica Bank as an Interal Auditor :o) one week after graduation.

~~Get Admitted in to Grad schoo~~l

Yesterday, March 24th, I went to a graduate fair at a local University to talk about the programs they offer and how to apply. I was stuck between a regular Masters of Business Administration and a Masters of Science in Information Systems. I talked to some people about my long term goals and I decided to go with MSIS. Now on to the good part.. I took my horrible (to me) transcripts and allowed the counselor or to take a look and he said that 4 of the 12 classes will be waived and I can earn my Information Assurance certificate and MSIS with only the 8 classes! WOHOO! That is no time! I've already completed my Fasfa and now I am just waiting on the acceptance letter.

Buy a New-er Car
Work on building my credit
~~TOP EFFIN' SECRET~~

Just know that it involves running around like a chicken with my head cut off and trying to find $800 within 1 day. My family and friends all donated money for the cause and guess what? I GOT IT! WOOT WOOT! God really out did his self this time. I mean really, $800 in a day? WOW. Plus, my Fiance got a promotion too! In the same day! BAM. God is good.

I feel so great about some of the things that I have worked hard for in my life is finally coming together. The other day, I think like Wednesday or so, I was feeling good that everyone else in my life was doing good too but things change .....

Well, that has changed from when I originally wrote this but basically, my feelings were hurt because I cherish my friendships and I wanted a special friend to attend my graduation party. Unfortunately, she has a problem with one of the other guests that will be in attendance and she said "I am not going because she is going to be there." I said "that's childish." and I told her that I think that you could set aside your feelings for her to celebrate this time with me... Basically I got through to her and she is coming so NO BAD THINGS SO FAR :o) GO LYNN GO LYNN!

PS. I know that I usually don't write about God and religion because to me, that is very personal and even though I make fun of a lot of things, I won't make fun of that... well maybe just a little bit but nothing as extreme as Raw Chicken lol. I just have to say that I am thankful for all my family and my friends that made this possible and supported me throughout the hardest time ever considering my mom is gone. My support system has never been stronger and I thank god for that every day.

Blogger Tourney ROUND 2

2011-03-26T12:28:00.002-04:00

ARGH! Q is really making us work and he wants us shut out all at the same time. I am currently matched with my blogger husband (long story that involves a mistress and baby Jewels lol) Brandon from My Own Private Idaho (<-click that for his round 2 post) who has 308389238023 followers. Ok, not really but he has at least 400. Well, let the shameless whoring begin. VOTE FOR ME! Enjoy these Angry GIFs lol.

TOAR vs. Idaho Potato <3 lol. The first radio button is mine!

GO TEAM TOAR :o)

Let's Play Name That Cock!

2011-03-24T00:00:00.001-04:00

Apparently, people name their boyfriend's penis and I feel left out because Eric doesn't have a name for his mighty friend. So all those girls out there, if you haven't named your boyfriend's cock yet, here is a list for you to choose from or just a jump start to get your juices flowing... Hopefully, not those juices. Your Creative juices - Oh god, I am just going to list them now because all of you are disgusting lol.

The Bucking Bronco
Goliath
David - If it is tiny but strong. Don't be ashamed if your man has a little one. David can get it in, he beat Goliath anyway ;o)
Titan
Hercules
Zeus
Adonis
Mastiff
War Head
Spartacus
Bean Stalk
Mandingo - So cliche. I'd refrain from using this one
Raw Chicken - Of Course :o)
Ox
HULK SMASH

Well, that is all I could come up with. I am between Adonis, HULK SMASH, and Bucking Bronco myself. Now It is your turn to share! Ladies, if you have EVER EVER named ANY PENIS, List it below. Guys, if you have ever got your cock named, list it below. But guys, don't go over board because I don't know if I can handle the pissing contest of "who's cock is bigger." Anyway make it happen in my comments. I want to know who got called what and WHY!

No Words, Just Tears...

2011-03-23T02:54:00.000-04:00

[caption goes here]
but there is nothing to say..

My Blog Is Trash! - TOAR HATER Edition

2011-03-22T18:43:00.001-04:00

So apparently my blog is trash! Throughout this whole Blog War I have been nothing but classy and supportive and this is the thanks I get! I even went on her blog and said a friendly good luck!

I follow my opponent on twitter and I seen her notification for a new post on her tumblr account. I click it and this is what I see?! I mean is it really that serious? You are really taking off the gloves now huh? Talking mad shit? I put the past behind me especially since she was apart of the 20sb TOAR Hater club! I have not said anything bad about her, the blog or it's content. I didn't like her in the first place before this happened. Q didn't know that when he placed us against each other. She then had the nerve to say this via twitter:

Not too long ago I remember saying the same thing about my ignorant ass daddy but I got the heat for it, not my dad. I just want to say to you, my followers, that since my blog is trash, according to her, all of you are trash too because you read my blog and enjoy it. You all enjoy my penis posts. I entertain you. Please let's just put the smack down on her so I can blog about my victory vigorously. I don't care about winning the award. I just want to cripple her arrogance. At least I'll know that I tried my best.

Now, Back to our regular scheduled posting:
Friends don't let friends date ugly men!

Friends Don't Let Friends Date Ugly Men

2011-03-22T15:41:00.002-04:00

I have 10 hours until I win, with your help of course! Vote Here!
Mine is the first radio button, make no mistakes!

Disclaimer: If you are a close friend of mine you know exactly who this refers to. The statements made from this point are me sharing with my readers. Take it how you want to..

I have no regrets about my past or the men that I dated but I do look at my friends differently. Isn't there a secret girl code "No ~~Ugly~~ Physically Challenged Men Allowed?" How hard is it to say "AYE BITCH, He HIT! On to the next one!"? I know this sounds obnoxious and shallow but I must know! I can sit here and go on and on and ON about "if you could pick two characteristics which would you choose?" but that is so cliche. I want to know about your fugly partner. The one you set aside your standards for just to give them a chance...

I did that once.I will always appreciate the "love" and support that we shared but damn, really Lynn? In the summer of 2005 I was heartbroken from Eric and I's previous break up and I wasn't interested in being in a relationship. If a guy asked for my number, I gave it to him. Why the hell not? I was single! I had three types of guys in my line up. Type A was called the "Phonys." the phonys are the ones that I would talk on the phone. Flirt. That was it. Type B was the "Minions." These were the bad boys that I had sex with. Hot freaky Sweaty sex. Oh Yeah. Type C is "BF Ready" - that speaks for itself even though that category was closed. Basically my number one rule is "Do Not Date A Phony".

Then I met Greg through a mutual friend. Immediately TEAM PHONY, no questions asked. He was NOT very handsome, let alone my type. We talked on the phone and did a little flirting at work but that was it. Then I made my first mistake. I made him Phony No. 1. I walked to him every night - mostly before I went to sleep knowing that I would see him the next day. That was when I realized that feelings were developing. But I didn't stop and that was Mistake #2. Then I started thinking about things like "Can you upgrade a Phony to a Minion?" That was mistake #3 in so many ways. So I guess you can say it was mistake #3-#940804980482093492034. Because I thought that a) we could have sex with no feelings and b) I thought I can change a man.

Basically, we fell in love and none of my friends stopped me. Yes, Greg had a good heart and was sweet and caring but god, he was ~~ugly~~ a Butterface or Butthisface?. Idk. What do you call a guy who has a nice body but his face is messed up? Girls get called Butterfaces. "Everything look good but-her-face." I gotta think of a word.

Anyway - they should have had some kind of intervention! Maybe not though, I was happy. I lowered my standards and I was happy (for a short while anyway - every sweet guy goes ROUGE sometimes). So my question to you my lovelies, along with others, what would you give up if a man/woman made you genuinely happy? Would their looks matter? Would you date them with under a certain condition (i.e. financial gain)? Do you tell your friend to move on because they are Team Phony only? Did you vote yet?

New Music Monday .21: Where Did the Music Go?

2011-03-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

I just want to know. Recently, like over the past 7 years, R & B and Hip Hop have gone down the drain. All the best songs are about rough ass shaking, violent love making, and cheating. You need examples? Turn your fucking radio on, shut the fuck up and listen. Trey Songs (as much as I love him) is a PRIME example.

What happened to those positive/inspirational songs that artists used to sing about? I am sad to say that now, only gospel artists think about inspiring people.What about the TRUE break up songs? The ones that really poor into your heart and make you cry for being heart broken? R.L. and Deborah Cox - We Can't Be Friends. I guess my problem is that fucking KIM KARDASHIAN (in Nicki Minaj's Ew Voice) has a fucking song out... Justin BEBE's bowl hair cut sold for $40,000 and Nicki Minaj and Lil' Kim are beefed out. I am going to leave the first two alone but I need talk about this beef.

This is how angry I am right now about this.
GRRRRRR!!!

I do not know much about it but I think that if these two are mad at each other for whatever reason, it is STUPID. Like did Lil' Kim really come out with Black Friday just to piss Nicki off? Shouldn't Kim be better than that because back in the day she was the shit. If she feels like Nicki is imitating her she should feel honored because Nicki does it well. Nicki has raw talent unlike that KimKardash bitch and she has a unique style, like Kim. That is what is wrong with music these days. Instead of Kim being classy and encouraging this younger generation to follow in her foot steps, she feels like her OLD ASS needs to defend herself. That is just like Aretha or Diana Ross attacking Beyonce or Jasmine Sullivan. I am pretty sure as Nicki was growing up Kim was one of her idols.

This is precisely I have converted to Alternative Music.
Well Pink Friday is the shit. Here is my Fave Song right now:
Nicki Minaj - Roman's Revenge Ft. Eminem

How do you feel about the beef between lil Kim and Nicki? What about this song? What about music in general?

Lastly, Did you effing Vote yet? Do it Now! I am the First Radio Button!

Hot Cheeto Peen

2011-03-20T15:12:00.006-04:00

You know I hate blogging on the weekend but this is necessary. First things first. I need to win round one of the blogger tourney and she is NOT backing down so go and vote for me. Remember she has more followers than me so we must work hard! One more day to Vote! Look, I made it easier for you. Just vote right here (mine is the first radio button because I can't change the format of the poll) or Click Here:

Come on Team TOAR!

Now that's out of the way, I made a Tumblr account so if you have one, go and check mine out. There is a link at the top of this page. I still have yet to figure out what exactly what I wanted to do with it yet but I guess the general idea is to post my seriously random quotes there. Usually, I'd wait until I have a group of them then write about it on here but I think I can use Tumblr as a brainstorming platform with no structure.

TOAR on Tumblr

Lastly, since I am all about competition, enjoy this raunchy photo!

from @swkeezy Yes it is a hot Cheeto Peen.

All in for michigan! Go Blue!

Blogger Tourney Round 1

2011-03-19T09:34:00.003-04:00

LETS GO TEAM TOAR! Hey My Lovelies. I have enlisted into Thank Q's Blogger Tournament for the "soon-to-be-covented" Stunner Award. Q cannot go a season without some kind of sport and I seriously think he is doing this to me because I made fun of him saying that he was going to pass out because he has a whole 4 months before football comes back. Now Q is obessed with March Madness. Nonetheless, I love him and he is by best blogger friend :o)

Round 1 is up so all you have to do is click this link and VOTE FOR ME. It takes 2 seconds so don't be lazy. You don't have to read the other post, just click TOAR on the left hand side of the screen and you're done! lol, Just kidding (not really, I want to win). I am going against Alexandra of the Tsaritsa sez. She has 220 folllowers so we need to grab our bootstraps and make it happen so I don't get shut out! Also, I realize that some of you may follower her as well. Choose your alliance wisely, I am a competitive BITCH. :o) Happy Blogging.

LET'S GO TEAM TOAR!

PS. I think I am going to have a serious case of anxiety because I am a sore loser.

Dear Apple,

2011-03-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

I love your products and I am almost done making the switch to all Apple Products in my house. I love the beauty and design of all of the electronics along with the new releases every year however, don't you think it is a little too much? I mean I just bought your iPhone 4 and now you maybe coming out with the iPhone 5 (or some variation thereof)? Have you recently seen Best Buy's new commercial? I think they are making fun of you. "You got the wrong TV silly head."

Also, I just want to make this little request:

"CAN YOU PLEASE ALLOW ME CUSTOMIZE MY TEXT MESSAGE ALERTS?"

I know my letter can be a little late as far as the requests but we can't compete with the EVO if we can't fully customize our phone too! I do not want a lame ass kick stand though. You can keep that because it's pretty excessive. That is all.

A Barely Keeping Up College Student,

TOAR

This is an example of a letter that I would send apple. What I really want to say is:

Dear Apple:

I am fucking poor and I cannot afford to play "keeping up with the techys." You're coming out with all these fuck-awesome products with cool ass features but I can't change my fucking text message alerts. You really expect to compete with Sprint's EVO under these current circumstances? Like really... we can fucking face time with two gay ass cameras but I can't change my Text Alerts?! Ridiculous. Just slow the fuck down because yes, you are marketing to Generation Y, but WE ARE STILL IN COLLEGE AND CAN'T AFFORD YOUR "SUPER SEXY" MACS. It's like telling us that we can have sex but only with a donkey.

Sincerely,
A Broke Ass College Student Who Wants to Make Love To the New iPhone 5 but only can have wet dreams with the display that will posted in the AT&T store.

If you could write to Apple, What would you say?

F&%K YOU Contradictions!

2011-03-16T00:00:00.002-04:00

I seriously don't know what is it about the Americanized English language that wants to put things together that don't make sense. Those things are called oxymorons apparently. You guys know I am NOT into grammar and mechanics but somethings do Pinch My Nipples.

My favorites are:

First Annual: If it is the first year of the event, how in the hell is it annual? Doesn't annual mean yearly as in "ALREADY HAPPENED?" I hate when I see this on event flyers. Just because it sounds good, doesn't mean it goes together.
Stand Down: This is a term used by law enforcement when they have caught a criminal or trying to catch one anyway. How in the fuck am I supposed to "Stand Down"? Should I get on my knees? I can't stand and be down at the same time. Freaks me out, too many commands. This is not TWISTER!
New Rare Disease: This may not be ironic to any of you but I sat down and thought about this. Rare means that the disease exists. New means something is created from scratch. So how in the hell is this a "Created From Scratch Existing Disease"? My fiance and I was talking about how big his ball sack was he and said this shit. Then, he tried to explain that it was new because this size was discovered today and rare because he only has it, implying that no one's man junk is bigger than his. I told him he was an idiot even though I was laughing hard as hell. Why are guys so arrogant about how they are packing? He is DEFINITELY packing haha.
True Story: As Bloggers, many of us like to tell our "True Stories" in our posts. But if it is true, it can't be a story. This really doesn't make my nipples hurt but I thought it would be interesting to put in here.

Are there any oxymorons that you find funny or just totally unbelievable? Share below please!

Losing My Black Card

2011-03-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

I have been told that my black card has been revoked until further notice; therefore, I am not considered black. If you do not know what a black card is, here is a brief run down:

In the african american community, they give you an imaginary card that certifies that you are black and you earned it. It is another variation of the "Players Card" You know, they have more than 10 hoes, pimping them out?

The reason why I got my black card revoked is because there are A LOT of movies I haven't seen - that I obviously needed to see to understand my black heritage. People make fun of me when I say I haven't seen these movies especially the big ones. Here is a List:

The Color Purple (Big One)
The Wood
The Players Club
Waiting to Exhale
How to be a player
The Best Man
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
Amistad (another Big One)
What's Love Got To Do With It
Shaft
The Wiz (another Big One)
School Daze
Boyz N' the Hood
Soul Food
None of the Live Madea Plays (Tyler Perry)

Along with many others that you can list out in my comments. Also, people always have something to say about the way I talk. If you haven't heard the talk show with Thank Q, I talk about how people make fun of me because I (kinda) have proper english. Yes, I still have slang but I talk like a white girl. I say "Like" ALLL THE TIME. Like (see) I am some valley girl.

I don't know how to get my black card back; maybe I don't even want it. Why would I want to see movies with people acting all ignorant anyway or show how we were enslaved or how black women got raped by whites? I am NOT excited to be depressed. So keep your hoe ass black card and I will work hard to get the real one, by AMERICAN Express.

Plus, if a white person watches all these movies and learn slang do they get a Black Card too? Black people hate white people "trying to act black" Get over it, if white people want to talk with slang, FINE! It shows the laziness in their language. If black people want to sound educated, FINE! All the better, we need to be a little more educated. All of you who fall into the "they tryna be white/black" stereotype - FUCK OFF. It just further shows how ignorant you are and how you are keeping the race barriers in tact instead of demolishing them with the rest of the normal people of the world.

Don't Like This Post? You Can Fuck Off Too - Then tell me why in my comments :o) because I still love you.

New Music Monday .20: Gossip Is A Guilty Pleasure

2011-03-14T13:49:00.001-04:00

I have just discovered Media Take Out and I am completely in love with Beyoncé. I have been actively avoiding Media Take Out because I am easily distracted.. hence my new obsession with twitter. It is like crack for fans. Anything you want to know about the hottest stars, it is on this website. That is precisely why I have been ACTIVELY AVOIDING IT?! *that is important for you to know, I've been avoiding it for about 6 months now, but my resolve wears thin* Now, the first thing I see when I get on this website is that:

Beyoncé is chilling in the studio going over her new hit single to be released within a week featuring Alicia Keys. (Two Weeks the new video that I will be posting as soon as I get my grubby little hands on it)
Jay Z telling Rihanna to sit her hot ass down for a minute so B can absorb the spotlight.
First of all, Beyoncé doesn't need anyone to get out of her way - She OWNS the spotlight regardless who is in the GAME. Therefore, Rihanna can stay where she is - but her feelings are going to get hurt once B turns on the EGO lol. Secondly, I love Rihanna as an artist but only because Jay re-invented her. Before that, she was an afterthought. Like I said last week, we do not need to see your horrible sew in and side boobs. When I say "Hot Ass"; it is not in a good way, she look like a HOT ASS MESS. Songs - Great, Fashion - Trashy. Sorry Ri-Ri, I believe you may have lost a fan and please beware:
YOU ARE NOT FUCKING WITH QUEEN B.
B2K is getting back together?! Ewwwww.
I personally do not know what to say about this. I wasn't a big fan of B2K when I was younger. I was in the correct "target market" for me to gush all over them and my little white panties *don't forget the pink flowers* to be moist with an unfamiliar juiciness. I went to ONE Scream Tour. Yeah, I didn't feel anything. Anyway, I just think that now aren't the boys just a tad bit too old to be a "boy band" again? I mean what, it's going to be a "MAN BAND"? That's "Gay-er" than anything else that has even been held against them. Omarion didn't sky rocket in sales by his self so he needs his wing men? Yeah that is how I see it. I am not excited but we will see what happens, yes?

Gossip is not a good thing that I like to play into - especially on my blog but to me, that was important to rant on. How do you feel about Jay telling Ri to step aside for B? What about this B2K nonsense? Are you Addicted to Media Take Out?

I have currently been entered into a blog tournament over on Thank Q for Common Sense. I know that you all may follow some of my competitors but I want you to VOTE FOR ME! You can vote more than once. I really want to win this award and competition is TOUGH - especially by going against my Blogging Twin Sister Falen. Make it Happen People! I am counting on you! Click HERE for Details. A Regular post will be up shortly once everything is under way.

Black Leadership

2011-03-14T00:49:00.001-04:00

Since I like to celebrate Black History ALL year round check out this video.

I think that it is such a positive thing to see young people coming together and showing that black students can not only play sports but we can lead. That is the kind of education you get from the Blue. There are so many stereotypes that are held against us not only because we are black but because we are young. By having a positive presence on campus, you can change how the "big wigs" look at the organizations and possibly get more funding. For all you newbie future freshman, get involved. It is imperative to your future and ours. Create new relationships and celebrate who you are. GO BLUE!

BC Day 9: Favorite Picture of Your Best Friend(s)

2011-03-12T00:00:00.027-05:00

We were acting like Asians that day, you know with the weird looking hats.
Too bad they are just lamp shades. I seen it on Pirates lol. I wonder what the hats are called...

This is Jalisa (@Damn_She_Paid). She has been my bestest buddy for over 10 years. This is my favorite picture of her because it is very rare that you see Jalisa act like a child again because she has grown into a fine young woman and mother. The responsibility that comes along with being a mother is stressful but she does it with such grace. I like that back then, we could act crazy and take silly pictures. I miss those days but hey, we have to grow up some time right? Too bad I feel like it is too soon.

I love this picture of her because it shows her care free spirit.
It's breathtakingly beautiful I think!

Since I can't just pick ONE BEST FRIEND (Idk, I always had that problem). This is my other Bestie Lindsey (@PinkLipsRedHair). We have been buddies since grade school (7th to be exact). We did have a little break in our friendship because we ended up going to different high schools and she ended up going to Atlanta for college (I was supposed to go with her by my mommy died). It is so weird how the love we had for each other never dissipated even without talking for 3 years. I am just glad that God brought my friend back. Is it true, that if you let a friend go and if it comes back it's a true friendship? Or is that just with love? lol. In any case, I hope our friendship never dies down again!

This is my Favorite Picture of us because we both were HOT!

This is Andrea. At first she was a friend by association; now, I can't live without her. Even though Jalisa and I have been friends for so long, (this is Jalisa's sister btw), it is good to know that my buddy has a real sister that will be there for here just like I will. I say it like that because Jalisa and Andrea didn't grow up together, it was like a long lost love and they could finally be together now that they are older. I am so proud to call Andrea a BFF because just like Jalisa, we have been through a lot like crying in cars about how our life is horrible and how we are going to make it better and how much we love each other blah blah all that gay friend love stuff. I am also proud of her because currently she has made a huge decision and commitment to convert to the nation of Islam. Not only is that a hard thing to do by growing up christan and that's technically the only religion we know, she is doing it because it makes her a better person. She is so strong because she faces so many adversities because of this decision. You know the whole, Muslims are Terrorist stereotypes. Andrea is taking all those nay-sayers with stride as she believes that this is the right path for her. YOU ROCK! I am behind you 100%

She is going to Kill me for this but I love her anyway!

Last but not least by ANY BIT. My Cousin and Sister Tina. As you can tell she is crazy as hell and that is why I love her. Even though we are SOOOO far away from each other - for the first time in our lives - we still connect with each other. I just love her. We cry over the phone together because we miss each other so much! She lost her mom too at a young age so sometimes we have to stick together. People just don't know how hard it is being in the dead parents club. I should find a picture that does her some justice huh? lol. Maybe not. BAHAHA.

Pretty Smiles :o)

This is my Buddy Margarita. She is my ROAD DOG - My ACE. We did everything together from going to parties, getting in trouble by staying out late, spending the night at guy's houses, shitting before volleyball/softball games in the locker room (yes together! she was in the next stall over lol), or setting the TV on fire - there was NEVER a dull moment in our friendship. We lead teams together, cried because we didn't want to lose together, cried when my mom died. She is seriously my other half and I miss her so much! We don't talk as much as I would like us to due to how our lives are going but I still consider her a Bestie and I will always love her.

After writing this long ass post, I realized that time and distance does not change how I feel about these ladies. I appreciate them all because they all have taught me valuable lessons in life or we all learned together. I love you guys! You definitely make me the woman I am today!

I Earned My Beads Because I Rock!

2011-03-11T00:00:00.006-05:00

I got Blogger Beads for Mardi Gras last week! Over at "My Own Private Idaho" I suggested that Lost hosts a post were people show him the boobies to get the beads. He thought it was a good idea so - wala, I got some. No slores, I didn't show my real boobs (even though I would have; I'd do anything for those colorful, slightly homosexual, beads). Just "TEXT" ones. So in honor of Mardi Gras, here are some funny TEXT Boobs:

( ) ( )

Undeveloped

( o ) ( o )

Perky

(o)(o)

Pushed Together for MAXIMUM Cleavage

( ^ ) ( ^ )

Pointy

( * ) ( * )

Hard

[_@_] [_@_]
Saggy Boobs

( . ) ( . )
Teenaged Boobs

( 0 ) ( 0 )

Huge Ass Airelolas

[however you spell those things]

( o ) ( o )

HUGE KNOCKERS with Perky Nipples

I got this kind FYI :o)

Which Kind is your favorite boob?
Did I miss one? Show me in the comments so I can laugh!
Don't forget to go grab your beads too!

F&%KIN' In An Abandon Building? Seriously!?

2011-03-10T03:18:00.000-05:00

True Story! A friend of mine had car troubles and I called my Uncle to help me, help her, fix her flat tire. On our little adventure, we had to stop back to my Uncle's house and as we were pulling around the corner, we see 3 guys hanging out in front of an abandoned house.

This house is on the corner of a MAIN street with a HUGE elementary school park behind it so it is an alley like trail that leads from the main street to the park. The guys were standing on that corner. My Aunt was telling us an animated story about how her truck almost got stolen at the grocery store, how she pulled out her "hand gun" (seriously her pointer finger and thumb in the shape of a gun) and told the robbers to fuck off before she left Detroit (this happens a lot here unfortunately) to go to Texas. So we see the 3 guys and then we seen a girl hanging out the top window of the house and my Aunt once again uses her "hand gun" and told the girl we seen her! Everyone in the truck was laughing (My Aunt, Friend, and I) and making fun saying that they were fucking in the house. Just joking right? WRONG! My Uncle was PISSED.

He pulls up to his drive way on the main road which is literally 3 houses away and across the street from the abandoned house and proceeds to walk down the street to the house with determination to keep the streets of Detroit safe. He starts yelling at the kids to get out of the house. BUSTED.

5 Guys and 2 Girls did the "Walk of Shame" out the house with a baby poka-dot blanky. YES, a fucking BLANK-Y not BLANK-ET. It was one of those small ass covers you use to cover up a babies car seat. You already know what they used that blanky for; to put on the cold ass floor while those boys ran a train on them. The sad part is - it was JANUARY. COLD AS ALL HELL. I cannot express my vile and disgusting feelings I have right now other than write everything in CAPS.

Ok, if you have to sneak into an abandoned house to get some pussy, you're a loser. If you have to degrade yourself by fucking in an abandoned building, you need your ass ROYALLY TAGGED by a belt/ chain/ whip/ extension cord/ paddle/ bottle/ etc. That's like fucking in school. It is disgusting. The back of a car is way better than that. What kinda shit is that. IT'S COLD and the floor is hard. YOU'RE TWELVE!

How can you get a nut off in those kind of conditions?!

The worst part of this whole post is, that they are doing this, and it just reflects bad on their parents. AN ABANDONED BUILDING?! It is cold and unbelievably dangerous! UGH. I have to stop writing I am just getting more pissed thinking about it. Kill yourself.

How Desperate Are You?

2011-03-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

| February is the time to cheat... women are lonely and their standards drop more and more as the 14th gets closer - So sad, but true. |

This was my status on my Facebook Fan page a few weeks ago before Valentine's Day so I thought that I should expand a little more. Women go all ape shit about being lonely and not having a "Prince Charming" to make all her dreams come true or whatever the fuck is going on here. I think that when women get more desperate, they take more actions. We have all been there, shamelessly flaunting all our goods just to be cuddled up with someone on V-Day.

Here is my problem: When women sell themselves short for men who's hearts are not in the "relationship" or belong to someone else. Let me give an example or two. There is this one woman named "FaceSmash" (yes, that is her name because that's what I named this bitch lol) and she likes to "prey" on guys who are in love with other women but who are going through a hard time like a break up or death. She's not like a gold digger or anything, just always the one who ends up with the short end of the stick. FaceSmash recently had a friend that died from cancer. She is currently dating her "dead-cancer-friend's" husband only 2 months after her passing. That's FUCKING DESPERATE lol. He is hurting and FaceSmash is there to some what take the pain way. It's more of a distraction from the pain verses taking it away. I feel sorry for FaceSmash because she flaunts her relationship around and no one cares. We all know HER true purpose in this relationship and unfortunately, it will not end well for her. He will realize that she was a distraction and they had an unhealthy CO-DEPENDENT Relationship.

I just hate that she is desperate enough to fuck with her dead-friend's husband. That's trifling. Well, FaceSmash is no friend of mine so I don't care how many times she sets herself up for failure and get her heartbroken. In my opinion, she deserves it.

Pick your face off the floor ladies and check your self confidence. You all deserve to be with a man that WILL love you and his heart ONLY belongs to you. Please stop looking for guys on the rebound. Rebounds always get played.

You Know What Really Pinches My Nipples?

2011-03-08T00:00:00.001-05:00

Ok, not you specifically but this shit has to come out!

Nipple Pinch #1: Baby Momma Pressure

I am currently engaged, to be married hopefully the 29th of April and my fiancée's sister is only 19; two years younger than me. She already has her first child. I am not saying that I have a problem with teen-aged mothers (other than the obvious) but she was like those little girls that get taken on Maury at a young age because they are ECSTATIC to have a baby young. They come from a family that has successful young parents and they both aspire to be like them. That is all good and dandy but not when you don't have your shit together.

Now that you have some background, let me further my case by sharing what really pinches my nipples. This little girl (his sister) has the nerve to be angry with be because I refuse to have a child until I am financially stable and I am married. Only one of those are happening right now in front of the justice of peace because I am poor. I hate that she continues to do this because she thinks that I am two years older than her, I should agree with her mindset and her decisions in life and I DO NOT! She is living with her boyfriends family in the H-O-O-D with 4 other small families in a 3 bedroom house. She doesn't like anyone to tell her "how to raise her baby" or how to proper clean a bottle/prepare baby food.

Don't effing come at me like I am the monster with the purple poka dots on my forehead when I do not aspire to be like you. Ugh. When you become an example of a proper mother, then tell me I should be like you. Until then, maybe you should try to be like me. Hater. My problem isn't just with her, it is with all the mothers out there who do not take proper care of their children or just have them to feel loved by someone. Work on your self-esteem - love yourself first because even though that is your child, it is no guarantee that they will love you like you want them to when they get older especially considering the way you treat them now.

Nipple Pinch #2: Saggy Pants

Guys, who said that this is fashionably correct or helps you get bitches? I am certainly not attracted to that shit! It makes you look like a rat and gay all at the same time. This one guy at the liquor store pulled up in his 1968 caprice (with 22" rims mind you) and bent over in front of me and I saw all of his tight whiteys! I posted this on twitter:

It is disgusting and I wish that guys would take some fashion lessons from Ne-yo, his style makes a puddle in my cooter.

Nipple Pinch #3: Backwards Morning People

Do not get your chipper ass up SINGING to me. I don't drink coffee but I am usually not awake until 10am. Before that I am kind of a Bitch unless I have something to look forward to later, like shopping. I hate it when morning people get mean and angry by the end of the day. What? All your happiness is gone now? Losers. If you are going to be happy at 7am in the morning, muthafucka, you better be happy by 3pm. lol - I am just saying.

Nipple Pinch #4: Licking Me Places other than my COOTER.

DO NOT LICK MY FACE. I fucking hate that and my fiance does it all the time, regardless of how loud I scream at him. Your tongue belongs one of two places: my mouth and/or my coochie. The human mouth is a disgusting place and I don't care how people say that saliva is sterile. FUCK YOU. That shit YERKS the FUCK out of me. Keep your damn tongue to yourself unless it is "cooter pleasing time."

That is all that I have for you right now.. FYI I do not find nipple pinching a turn on, that shit hurts and that is why I hate that shit too. What do you HATE? Like REALLY REALLY HATE. Yes, that is a strong ass word. Use it, I bet you feel better.

New Music Monday .19

2011-03-07T00:00:00.002-05:00

All of the Lights by Kanye West Ft. Rihanna

The song is hard to follow; I have yet to figure out what the song means, how it relates to the little girl, lights and Fergie :o/ The video causes epilepsy because of the flashing lights. Lastly, I love Rihanna but she is getting a bit too trashy with her attire. I do not need to see side boobs and bad weaves. Overall, this video makes my head hurt but the song is catchy - meaningless but catchy.

Funny bit I heard about Rihanna:
Chris Hits Her
Eminem Lies to Her
& Drake Can't Remember Her Name

LMAO :o)
Enjoy, NOT!

POST YOUR SHIT PART 2

2011-03-06T19:46:00.001-05:00

Lmao, so since Post Your Shit Part 1 did so well, I decided to make an entire page DEVOTED to link ups! Why? Because I am a BLOG WHORE! It is called:

BUTTON LOVE

I have posted some of my favorite bloggers buttons on this page and I also have the option, if I unintentionally forgot about you, to post your button too! So hop to it! If you don't have a button, Contact Me so I can make you one! Also I'd appreciated if you use my linky thingy, to follow my blog too. If not, I'll delete your entry. ::sad face::: Don't make me do it, but I will. Spread the love - Follow Follow!

BC Day 8: A Place I've Traveled To

2011-03-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

The Summer of 2005, my family had a reunion in Colorado Springs. There, we went to Pikes Peak and the Garden of the Gods to see the famous Balancing Rock. It was fun because we got to take the train up to the mountain peak and back down. Even though it was summer, we still had to wear coats because as we moved up the mountain, the colder it got. I really wish we could have went to the actual springs and got in - I think that would have been heaven!

My Mom, My Friend Margarita, and Me - Look at that TAN omg I was Dark. All Natural though haha.

Entrance to get on the Train to go up the Mountain

The train at the top of the mountain

Picture Stand, It was crowded so we couldn't sit and take one ourselves.

Able to see Pikes Peak from the Garden of the Gods

Balancing Rock at the Garden of the Gods

What do you think?

It's Spring Break Bitches!

2011-03-03T03:30:00.007-05:00

Yeah, I am on spring break - but I am also lame because I have no place to go other than my living room. Plus, it is raining. I like rain way better than snow but I shouldn't be too happy because in 3 days the snow will return and once again I am going to be pissed. I hate snow. I hate the winter. I am a summer baby therefore I must be in sunlight and heat all year round. 2 more months and that will be a reality. :o)

Anyway, I wanted to talk about "what happens on spring break, stays on spring break." People go BUCK WILD during spring break and I don't know if I can cut that loose. People having all kinds of Threesomes and beer and orgies.

My ideal spring break would be going to Italy and eating all the Italian food I can stuff into my tummy before the week is over while bathing in white wines. Shopping non-stop and stumbling home with a crap load of bags full of shoes, accessories, knick-knacks, and outfits. I'd also like to go to the beach and get drunk off my ass but Orgies are absolutely OUT. Seriously, what girl wouldn't love that? Having hot sweaty sex with a stranger does turn me on. BUT where I draw the line is when you have hot sweaty nasty sex with multiple strangers; especially when there are consequences like AIDS.

I know people want to feel liberated from exams and hard work with a hint of "exhibitionism" but that shit goes out the window when it comes to my safety. FUCK THAT. I wanna party hard but I will not be held upside down with my legs wrapped around some random guys waist (one who probably has raw chicken) while 3 other's put their pulsating dicks and/or pussies in my mouth. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

My point is, I am all about partying, having fun, and pushing sexual boundries but we have to be safe these days. I hear there are rapists and Pirates on the loose :o/

What is the wildest thing you have done on spring break? Tell me about your orgies, I want to play with -------(use your dirty minds)------------ haha.

You Really Searched My Blog For That?!

2011-03-02T22:40:00.001-05:00

Like, you even said "can a bitch" lol! I wonder did they find what they were looking for.

The Origin of Motherf*&ker

2011-03-02T05:00:00.003-05:00

Yeah, you read it right! Please use caution while reading this - NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED because there are racist slurs and horrible things that come along with it. Motherfucker, the MOFO, The MF'r. The thing that you say when one fucks their mother, according to Wikipedia. I guess that was easy as far as the origin. But what I really wanted to talk about is how we use it.

Motherfucker is used with passion! I am a bad girl. I say the N word. A LOT. Because I have to get my point across and some how in my sick and twisted mind, the N word is better than BITCH. Bitch is the lowest thing ever to call someone and I used to call my Fiance that when he pissed me off beyond belief. So, I replaced bitch with nigga. Now, I feel really bad for using that word now because I do feel it shows a weakness in my vocabulary and language. ::notice I didn't say anything about the actual "wrongness" of the word because I don't care about slavery - it was bad, get over it:: So, now I will use Motherfucker.

It releases the rage that you have with someone from the very depths of your soul. Seriously. If you are really mad at someone and you call them a BITCH, just say - YOU MOTHERFUCKER! A couple more syllables but the same inflection comes out along with the same satisfying feeling of accomplishment by finishing the argument. Example from our Radio Show this past Sunday "Muthafucka I better Know how to read, I'm 12." - Me :o)

Motherfucker has variations too. Like bitch (i.e. bitch ass, bitchassness, fucking bitch, stupid bitch, etc.), motherfucker can be used as an adjective to describe something. "Go to the motherfuckin' store." or "Muthafucka Please.."

My Favorite use of Motherfucker was best done by the Late Bernie Mac (RIP)

I haven't used it a lot but I really want to stop saying the n word and I need something that is just as vulgar to get my point across. Do you have any suggestions? What is your favorite curse word? What do you like to call people that make you angry?

Don't be a prude, we all call people out their names - FREQUENTLY. I know I do lol.

OFFICIAL: POST YOUR SHIT!

2011-03-01T00:45:00.001-05:00

Post your fucking blog url, twitter, facebook fan page url, and skype! I want to get connected and I want you all to connect with each other. I love to give blogger love. Why don't we have a big fucking orgy? lol

Blog URL: http://tiny.cc/TOAR
Twitter: iRANDOMbeauty
Facebook Fan URL: http://www.facebook.com/ThoughtsofaRandomista
Skype: iRANDOMbeauty

Thanks! I look forward to stalking you all!

Twilight Tuesday .22

2011-03-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

I think the Oscars hoed Twilight. They had this whole thing about since nothing from the saga was nominated, not even the score or special effects (things that were actually creative and worthy because we all know that the actors aren't worth shit), that they had a surprise for all of the fans. Which they specifically said that it was NOT the trailer for Breaking Dawn. Fine, so a whole bunch of Twihards watched this BORING ASS AWARD SHOW for an hour and a half and this is all they could come up with:

This was an EPIC FAIL! And I am fuming. Plus, they were talking about RON. I love RON. RON is FUCKING HOT! And I love Harry Potter. They are Pissing Me off. AND THEN: once again - everything is centered around Jacob. I hate Jacob. TEAM EDWARD BITCH. Ok, that is enough of my rant for today.

New Music Monday .18

2011-02-28T01:53:00.001-05:00

Dr. Dre Ft. Eminem - I need a Doctor

All I can say is that Dre is UBER buff and I like it. I also like how Eminem is motivating him and spiting some real shit. I think that people do need a kick in the ass some times. This is a good one for Dre. Enjoy. Below, there is also an interview they did with Extra. Let me know what you think. Like it/Hate it?

TOAR is on the RADIO! Haha.

2011-02-28T00:00:00.003-05:00

TONIGHT at 11pm (10pm CST) it is going down with Thank Q, Thundercat and I on Thank Q's Radio Show. The topics include: Why do people blog, Black People and Grammar, Men - Women and Relationships.

To call in to put in your 2 cents (which I know you have) use this number at (323) 784-3650. Yes, it's free. Callers will be accepted at 11:10. If you just want to listen to us talk shit Click Here! I hope all of you support me and have fun while doing it!

IF YOU MISSED THE SHOW, OR COULDN'T CALL IN AT THE RIGHT TIME, HERE IT IS SO CLICK PLAY: Remember to comment below! I hope you enjoy, we had a lot of fun doing this!

Listen to internet radio with ThankQ on Blog Talk Radio

Racism... Limitations, Excuses, or Truth?

2011-02-26T03:00:00.000-05:00

I think that black people use the color of their skin as a weakness. Yes, they may be proud of who they are, but if something unfortante happens to them its alwasy the same mondane excuse "I'm Black, they're racist."

I am not saying that racism still doesn't exists in our communities and daily lives but I think that Black people are more likely to pull the race card before white people or any other race.

With that I think that we as a people need to start taking accountablity for ourselves. If you fucked up, you fucked up. Stop using your race and the color of your skin as a cruch. Yeah, I know things aren't good but we not on the plantations anymore.

Get over yourselves.

Life Sucks, Then You Die!

2011-02-23T17:21:00.000-05:00

OK, life doesn't completely suck but for right now it does. I have been swamped with everything between school and my actual life so I haven't been able to keep up with comments and regular "fun" postings. What to know what has been going on? Well here is an overview:

High School Buddy Died Sunday
Cousin Died Monday
2 papers, 3 homework assignments and 2 exams between Monday and Tuesday.

With that being said, FML - we will be back to our regular scheduled program on MONDAY! YAY.

What to look forward to:
Co-Host on Thank Q's Radio Show - This Sat/Sun Night 10pm CST (11pm EST)
- I'll have more information Friday on exactly which day and how to call in. I hope to hear from you guys!

The Origin of "MotherFucker"
- On Monday so stay tuned!!

Thank you all for your support and I love you all for it!